Kissin' Cousins Productions

11:11 CASTING CALL ROUND TWO!!! VIDEO AUDITIONS!

2011-07-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

Please EMAIL HEAD SHOTS and RESUMES to 1111kissincousins@gmail.com. Once we review your information, SIDES will be provided and we would like to receive in return a VIDEO AUDITION by Monday, August 8, 2011. That's not far from now, so hop to it! Callbacks will be approximately August 13th. Anyone unavailable in September please refrain from applying. Thanks!!!!

PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS

ANDY EVANS (25, 39)

- Male, Dark Hair, Scruffy, Medium/Tall Height, Beer Belly, Unkept.

- Military Veteran, Unemployed Life Insurance Salesman, Alcoholic, Observer

- After serving his country, Andy went to college where he met his wife, Adrienne. They graduated the same year and just as
she was about to leave for graduate school in France, they discovered she was pregnant. She gave up her dream and they
moved to the small, industrial hometown he tried his whole life to leave because that's where he could find work.

- Present day, Andy and his wife's marriage is strained. They lack communication skills; Adrienne often yells at him in French,
which makes him crazy because he doesn't understand what she's saying. He feels isolated, so he goes out drinking and
sleeps on the couch nightly.

- Andy's son, Drew, is now 13 and filled with angst; he tunes out his parents with headphones. He also has a 4 year old
daughter and a dog; the only family members who give him any attention.

DREW EVANS (13)

- Male, awkward, gawky, shaggy hair, baggy clothes

- Rebellious son of Andy and Adrienne Evans, brother to Kat Evans

- Angst-ridden, especially towards his parents, as if he knows his existence was unplanned

- Often tunes out the world by listening to his headphones

- Recently discovered girls and develops a crush on the new girl in school, Mallory

- Doesn’t care about school until a substitute teacher, Savannah Collins, changes his perspective through photography

SAVANNAH COLLINS (29)

- Female, Blonde, naturally beautiful, peaceful; the only 'outsider' in town.

- A hopeful and generous woman with an innate sense of time; frequently sees 11:11 on the clock in which she makes a
silent wish; born on Leap Year

- Photographer from Illinois who moved her father with Alzheimer’s to the farm he grew up on in Union, Pennsylvania to
help stimulate his memory. Currently packing up to move back to Chicago after her father’s passing

- Serves as a substitute teacher for Junior High school

- In a chance meeting, she becomes magnetized to Mark Elliott

LYNN STANLEY (45)

- Female, tall slender, chin length dirty blonde hair

- Promiscuous, witty, and outspoken

- Lawyer specializing in divorce

- Was adopted, resulting in severe abandonment issues in which she avoids serious relationships with men; has few female
friends; Savannah Collins is one of them.

- Doesn’t typically falter when it comes to men, until she meets one she can’t have.

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

KAT EVANS (4)

- Female, petite, adorable, long brown curly hair

- Daughter of Andy and Adrienne Evans, sister to Drew Evans

- Loves ladybugs, her dog Fortune, and the color purple

- Most endearing trait is her frequent mispronunciation of words, very funny

- Tells it like she sees it

AARON KELLEY (55)

- Male, grey balding hair, medium build

- Husband of Anne Kelley, father to identical mirror twins Maggie and the deceased Lili Kelley

- Workaholic. Reverend at an Episcopal Church and a 3rd generation family flower business owner

- Relies on Maggie a great deal at the shop because his wife can barely function

- Extremely overprotective of Maggie due to sudden loss of Lili and has questioned her faith since her passing

ANNE KELLEY (50)

- Female, short, unkempt hair with grey streaks

- Wife of Aaron Kelley, mother of identical mirror twins Maggie and the deceased Lili Kelley

- In a dark depression since Lili died and stays highly medicated on prescription pills

- Quit going to work and sleeps most of the day away on the living room couch and often ignores loved ones in her life who
still exist

- Harbors resentment towards Maggie for surviving, when Lili was her prized twin

LARRY (65)

- Male, tall, stout, stuffy

- Owner of The Bottlecap Bar for 40 years

- The type of bartender that knows your name and your drink, which he serves the instant a regular sits down

- Often serves as a therapist to customers and has a soft spot for Lynn Stanley

- On the brink of retirement, in which his son Kyle soon takes over his job

KYLE (39)

- Male, muscular, tattooed, dark hair

- Larry’s son who takes over the management position at The Bottlecap Bar after his father retires

- Sarcastic, witty, flirtatious

- Enjoys debating with Lynn Stanley

LLOYD HILL (45)

- Male, rough looking, drug addict, homeless

- Three years prior, he won a substantial amount of money in the lottery and quit his job. During his last shift, his wife and
son die in a car accident; his daughter the only survivor

- Became an alcoholic and crack addict in order to cope with the pain, resulting in losing all his money and custody of his
surviving daughter, Mallory

- Living in a daze, he will stop at nothing to get another fix

MALLORY HILL (13)

- Female, cute, reserved, wise beyond her years

- Mother and little brother were killed in a car accident; she was the only survivor

- Estranged daughter of Lloyd Hill. She was placed with her Aunt who lived in a different school district after her father failed
to care for her due to his drug addiction.

- Now the “new girl” at Union Junior High School

- Befriends Drew Evans and is inspired by her substitute art teacher, Savannah Collins

FEATURED ROLES

TUCKER (12)

- Female, freckled, spunky, outspoken, know-it-all attitude

- Calls out without raising her hand; tattle-tale of the class

NYSHIEK (13)

- Male, African-American, class clown, talks out of turn

- Fraternal twin brother of Nataya, with whom he has a rivalrous relationship

NATAYA (13)

- Female, African-American girl, chubby, braided hair with beads

- Fraternal twin sister of Nyshiek, with whom she often argues/competes

HARRY (13)

- Male, tall, polite, brainy kid of the class, wears glasses

- Well-spoken and often teacher’s pet

- Annoys some of the kids in the class with his intelligence

CASTING DIRECTOR (30 something)

- Female, theatrical, sympathetic, intelligent

KENNETH PRICE (40's-50's)

- Male, stoic, wears dark rimmed glasses

- Director

NEWSCASTERS / FEATURED ROLES ON TV

DICK ALLEN (33)

- Male, medium height and build, dark hair and extremely goofy

- Local news meteorologist

- Women find him humorous and charming

- Lynn Stanley’s off occasional hookup

CATHY CULLEN (mid-20s)

- Female, slightly ‘green’, but enthusiastic

BUDDY BLAKELY (early 30s)

- Male, African-American, serious about his job

MICHELLE HARDESTY (early 40s)

- Female, very professional and well-dressed

FEATURED BACKGROUND MUSICIANS (must play music!)

CHRIS (24)

- Male, grunge, lanky build, energetic

- Bass player for the band Wednesday

FRED (25)

- Male, stocky build, mature, talented

- Guitar player for the band Wednesday.

FEATURED BACKGROUND

LUCY (12)
- Female

CONRAD (13)
- Male

IRIS (12)
- Female

KADE (12)
- Male

ALEC (13)
- Male

HUDSON (12)
- Male

SET OF TWINS (7)
- Females, identical twins, long brown hair

GROCERY STORE EMPLOYEE (40's)
- Male, tall, dressed in uniform

BOYFRIEND (16)
- Male, shaggy hair, fun, youthful and in love

GIRLFRIEND (16)
- Female, long hair in ponytail, smitten with boyfriend

MALE EMPLOYEE (19)
- Irresponsible

FEMALE EMPLOYEE (19)
- Naïve, impressionable

MOM (30)
- Female, no makeup, tired but happy mother of two

DAD (33)
- Male, frazzled father overwhelmed with two children

BABY (1)
- Girl, chubby, cute but fussy, apple of Mom’s eye

TODDLER (2)
- Boy, active, mischievous, curious about everything

FEMALE PRODUCER (mid-40's)

- Female, seen it all and takes a lot to wow her

GRAND-MERE (70)

- Female, wrinkled, short hair, French

- Mother to Adrienne Evans and doting grandmother to Kat and Drew Evans

- Terribly disappointed in her son-in-law, Andy Evans

UPS CARRIER (early 40s)

- Male, tall, in brown uniform and hat

FEATURED BACKGROUND - PHOTOGRAPHS ONLY!

ELLIE COLLINS (Various ages)

- 42 years old when died of Breast Cancer

- Medium height, classically regal, blue eyes, blonde hair

- Deceased mother of Savannah Collins

WILLIAM COLLINS (Various ages)

- 60 when pronounced dead of Alzheimer’s (Early on set Alzheimer's)

- Male, tall, grey hair, blue eyes

- Deceased father of Savannah Collins

TEASER! to be shown on 7/23/11!!!

2011-07-20T05:01:00.001-07:00

HI everyone!

I'm still catching up on sleep from our 4 day teaser shoot that ended a little over a week ago. Now we are in the editing realm, compiling a promo teaser for the upcoming Cucalorus Local Focus Film Retrospective of my work this coming Saturday, July 23, 2011 at 8pm (Jengo's Playhouse, 815 Princess Street, Wilmington, NC 28401). If you live in the Wilmywood area, please join us for the festivities! It's a dual fundraiser for 11:11 and Cucalorus, so it's a win win! Information about this event can be found...

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=115746181845725
or at www.cucalorus.org

We are posting new photographs/stills on the Facebook and Indiegogo pages daily so you can keep updated. The imagery is beyond beautiful and am amazed beyond belief the talent attached to this project! So many people to thank for helping make this happen, but major shout outs to our actors including Jeramy Blackford, Ashley Carvalho and Kimberly Carvalho for their intense scenes that literally brought tears (happy) to my eyes with their performances. I'm a very lucky girl! More shout outs to Troy Blischok and Steve Thompson for making this film look like a million bucks and being complete pleasures to work with. Many more thank you to the remaining cast and crew. I love you all!

To view some photos and become a fan of 11:11, please go to... http://www.facebook.com/pages/1111-an-interconnected-ensemble-feature-film/166598050032079

Also, here is the new Indiegogo website in which different photographs and a teaser (coming verrrry soooon) will be posted. YOU can help us finish this film by contributing or passing along the information to 11 people about this crowd funding site. Thank YOU for making this happen! xo, meg

http://www.indiegogo.com/1111-1?a=44312&i=addr

NEW CHARACTER BREAKDOWN for July Shoot! JOEL (40-45)

2011-06-16T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hi! We have added a character that will be seen briefly in the block of shooting coming up July 9-12, 2011. This go around, he does not have any dialog, but when shooting continues in blocks throughout August and September he will have some dialog! If you are not available/flexible with the dates above, please refrain from submitting.

We are auditioning this coming Monday and Tuesday, so EMAIL your Head Shots and Resumes ASAP and we will get you some sides and schedule appointments! Thank you!!! 1111kissincousins@gmail.com

SUPPORTING ROLE

JOEL WILLIAMS (40-45) - male, brown, wavy hair, stocky build, medium height

* Joel is Jill Elliott's fiancee, then husband. They are expecting a child in one month.
* Excited to be a new father, Joel caters to all of Jill's pregnancy needs.
* Joel is a relaxed kind of guy who likes to be liked, but enjoys pushing people's buttons
* He owns the Gas Station in which Jill's son, Mark Elliott works.
* He's treated like the wicked step-father by Mark.

NEW! CHARACTER BREAKDOWN - FEMALE (42)

2011-06-15T09:30:00.000-07:00

NEW CHARACTER BREAKDOWN ADDED FOR CASTING CALL NEXT WEEK! PLEASE EMAIL HEAD SHOTS, RESUMES AND REELS TO....

1111kissincousins@gmail.com

Anyone UNAVAILABLE to work July 9-13 will not be able to shoot with us:( Sorry!

SUPPORTING ROLE

JILL ELLIOTT (42) - brown hair, worn yet peaceful looking, 8 months pregnant

* Jill is Mark Elliott's mother who had to raise him alone from 13 on after her husband left
* Married the first go around to her high school sweetheart and now remarrying 8 years later
* Remarries a second time to Joel, the father of her baby and Mark's boss at the gas station
* Jill believes you can't hold on and let go at the same time and encourages Mark to move on
* She's a Junior High Art Teacher on maternity leave who enjoys taking care of people

CALL FOR HEADSHOTS AND RESUMES FOR 11:11!

2011-05-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

CALL FOR HEAD SHOTS & RESUMES

Film Title: “11:11”

Director: Meg Lansaw

Location: Wilmington, North Carolina

Shoot Date(s): Mid-July (short shoot), September (Principal Photography)

Genre/Union: Narrative Drama–Ensemble Feature Film/ Non-Union, Independent

Compensation: Travel & Housing Accommodations (if needed), Meals on Set, $50/day or more

Mailing Address: (Please mail Hard Copies of Head Shots/Resumes/Reels)

Eleven Eleven Productions LLC
P.O. Box 2026
Wilmington, North Carolina 28402

Email Address: 1111kissincousins@gmail.com (Only for Video Samples/Links)

*** PLEASE REFRAIN FROM EMAIL INQUIRIES AND PHONE CALLS. We will contact you when Audition Dates are set in late June (Dates TBD)! This Casting Call is NOT for the entire cast, it's ONLY for characters in scenes to be shot in mid-July***

*** AN ADDITIONAL LARGE CASTING CALL FOR PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY WILL TAKE PLACE IN LATE JULY/ EARLY AUGUST. A wide age range of Principal, Supporting and Featured Roles will be available for auditioning then, so don't fret if the below roles aren't the right fit for you! Stay Tuned for more Character Breakdowns in the near future! ***

*** We prefer to cast non-SAG or SAG Eligible Actors residing in North Carolina (especially Wilmington), but neither are required! Actors submitting must be available in mid-July for the brief shoot AND Principal Photography in September ***

Please Read Character Descriptions Carefully to ensure you are eligible for the following Roles...

PRINCIPAL ROLES:

ANDY EVANS (25, 39)
*Male, Dark Hair, Scruffy, Medium/Tall Height, Beer Belly, Unkept.
*Military Veteran, Unemployed Life Insurance Salesman, Alcoholic, Observer
*After serving his country, Andy went to college where he met his wife, Adrienne. They graduated the same year and just as she
was about to leave for graduate school in France, they discovered she was pregnant. She gave up her dream and they moved to
the small, industrial hometown he tried his whole life to leave because that's where he could find work.
*Present day, Andy and his wife's marriage is strained. They lack communication skills; Adrienne often yells at him in French,
which makes him crazy because he doesn't understand what she's saying. He feels isolated, so he goes out drinking and sleeps
on the couch nightly.
*Andy's son, Drew, is now 13 and filled with angst; he tunes out his parents with headphones. He also has a 4 year old daughter
and a dog; the only family members who give him any attention.

MARK ELLIOTT (18, 21) - [Must know how to play the Drums or learn quickly!]
*Male, Brown Shaggy Hair, Unfit, Rugged, Visibly Unhappy and Tired (Insomniac)
*Was once very happy and in love with his Soul Mate, Lili Kelley, until she suddenly passed away. Mark blames himself for her
death because they had an argument just before she died. Guilt ridden and not over his ex-girlfriend, he's become a Stoner to
numb the pain.
*Mark's Dad was an alcoholic who abandoned his Mother when he was 13, forcing him to grow up quickly. He's cynical and
works as a Gas Station attendant and mechanic. His boss has become his Stepfather, which he's not happy about. Mark will
soon be a big brother.
*He plays Drums in the band Wednesday with his closest friend, Jake O'Malley. Music gives him an outlet for his frustration. He
also likes to drive to clear his head.
*Mark is still friends with Maggie Kelley, but has difficulty even looking at her because she appears just like Lili. He has a hard
time communicating or getting close enough to anyone due to his fear of losing them... until he meets a Female Outsider and
begins to open up.

PRINCIPAL ROLES FOR IDENTICAL TWINS (Triplets and Quadruplets too):

MAGGIE KELLEY (18, 21)
*Female, Brunette (preferred), Short/Medium Stature, Thin due to excessive running, right handed.
*Lone identical mirror twin to deceased Lili Kelley, whom unexpectedly died in a car accident at 18 years old. Maggie is lost,
feels like half a person and has severe survivor's guilt; She avoids mirrors because all she sees is her sister.
*Maggie is an actress, artist and writer. She planned to attend college and study theater until Lili passed and had to forego
school to help her parents run their 3rd generation Flower Store.
*She has a strained relationship with her parents, feeling they wished she died instead. She has a complex relationship with
Lili's Ex-Boyfriend, Mark Elliott, who she's tragically fallen in love with. Her only Confidant is her Best Friend since 1st grade,
Amanda Galliger.
*Potential Actress must have a wide range of acting abilities, from being Anxious,Timid, Sad and Lonely to Angry when releasing
years of frustration to her loved ones.

LILI KELLEY (18) – [Only seen in Flashbacks and Dreams – July Shoot Only]
*Female, Brunette (preferred), Short/Medium Stature, Fit build, left handed (not required).
*Lili is Peaceful, Polite, Confident, Intelligent, Generous, Compassionate, Angelic.
*Identical mirror twin to Maggie Kelley. Born 4 minutes before her sister on November 7th at 11:57PM and Maggie born at
12:01AM November 8th. Lili makes a big deal about being a 'day older' and an inch taller than Maggie.
*Lili is the 'favored' twin of their parents and planned to take over their Flower Store. She is completely in love with her
soulmate, Mark, who is the opposite of her; more of Maggie's type.
*Lili is highly intelligent and graduates high school a semester before her class, plans to attend college early; but dies in a car
accident the evening of a surprise Going Away/New Year's party.

*** Note to ALL Twin Submitters: This film deals with the heavy topic of Twin Loss. Some scenes are extremely raw, intense and emotional. Actresses NOT comfortable with the subject matter should refrain from applying.

**Please MAIL to the P.O. Box above: Your Resume and TWO Head Shots: One of just yourself and the other of you and your Twin together (doesn't need to be a professional head shot)

SUPPORTING ROLES:

AMANDA GALLIGER (21)
*Female, Redhead, Green Eyes (prefer), Short in Stature, Big Busted, Curvy, Feminine, Stylish
*Boisterous, Self-Absorbed, Spoiled by her Step-Father who is the wealthiest man in town.
*She's frequently Late for functions and is known for being a terrible driver.
*Best Friends with Maggie Kelley since the 1st grade. Amanda is very overprotective of her, especially when it comes to Mark
Elliott...with whom she's a bit rivalrous.
*Slightly obsessed with her off again/on again boyfriend Jake O'Malley.

JAKE O'MALLEY (22) - [Must be able to SING!]
*Male, Greasy Black Hair, Tall, Lean, Rocker Type
*Arrogant Lead Singer of the Indie Rock Band “Wednesday”
*Charming with the ladies, but has an off again/on again relationship with Amanda Galliger.
*Slightly Oblivious to the feelings of others; very Self-involved
*Drinker who likes to party and be the Center of Attention

BIT PART:

COURT (18)
*Female, Long dirty Blonde Wavy Hair, Tall, Regal, Simple and Natural Appearance
*Intelligent, Friendly
*Best Friends with Lili Kelley since they were 11 years old

*** If you submit for a speaking role and are not called to audition or do not receive a part, but live in the Wilmington, NC area and would like work as Background, please NOTE this on you Resume! ***

BACKGROUND ACTORS (33 count):

HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS (15-18) [New Year's Eve / Going Away Party]
*Male and Female
*All Nationalities and Races
*Any Body Type, Hair Color and Eye Colors
*Persons with Physical Disabilities
*Must look between the ages of 15-18

*** Notes for Background Submissions:

*Must be at least 18 years of age to submit!
*There is NO Monetary Compensation for Background in the budget
*Snacks and Beverages will be Provided!
*Prizes will be given!
*You will be respected and loved!

*** Please Refrain from Phone or Email inquiries. We will contact you!***

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS PROJECT CAN BE FOUND ON OUR PREVIOUS FUNDRAISING PAGES OR THE KISSIN' COUSINS PRODUCTIONS LLC WEBSITE. LIST OF WEBSITES ARE BELOW:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/188177159/11-11-an-interconnected-ensemble-feature-film

http://www.kissincousinsproductions.com/pages/films_p4.html

http://www.indiegogo.com/1111

UNCW Film Studies Intern!

2011-05-20T09:04:00.000-07:00

He11o A11,

I hope everyone is doing well! I'm in the midst of preproduction for "11:11" as we speak! The University of North Carolina at Wilmington has an independent study program for film students and I am very lucky to have a Film Studies major/Music minor as an intern! She's is extremely helpful and efficient and will be a true asset to this production. She is completing tasks that I don't mind doing myself, but consume a lot of time. She is currently working on getting out some overdue thank you cards to contributors from Kickstarter and IndieGoGo! Thank you Nikki and welcome to the "11:11" team!

While she is working hard, I have been organizing the office and getting ready to start the casting search. I sent the latest version of Draft 9 to a handful of select people for feedback and am taking a writing break until I get the responses. I've requested feedback to be given no later than June 1st, so any tweaks that need to be made will be completed by mid-June. Casting will follow (please no inquiries about this; we will definitely let everyone know when we are ready!) and then we will proceed to shoot Flashbacks and Dream Sequences in mid July. Since the flashbacks are supposed to happen in the past, it makes more sense to shoot them first to get our feet wet and get the actors into their characters. Several of these scenes will require visual effects, so this can be happening in the months leading up to principle photography. Having some footage in the can will also provide a sample reel for potential investors and gives us a visual to submit to a works in progress program at a film festival in Wilmington in which one of the dates falls on none other than 11/11/11!!!

The plan is to shoot the bulk of the film in September when it is not so hot and the vegetation will be much closer to what we are looking for. We hope to shoot interior scenes first and daytime exterior scenes towards the end of the shoot...pushing close to October, which is as close as we can get without surpassing November! We are very excited to get the ball rolling and will continue to keep everyone updated on the progress. Thank you so much for your support and the next time you see 11:11 on the clock, MAKE A WISH!!!! xo, meg

IndieGoGo Stop Stop, but tax-deductible contributions are still being accepted!

2011-05-03T05:04:00.000-07:00

He11o a11!

I want to thank those of you who contributed to and helped promote the "11:11" Indiegogo campaign! We came in below our goal, but still ahead! With approximately $14,000 in the bank now we have some foundation funding to get the pre-production ball rolling! There is still a ways to go fundraising, so if you didn't get a chance to connect to the fundraiser, you can still participate with a tax-deduction as a perk! Please email meg@kissincousinsproductions.com for more information on how to proceed!

Thank you all so much for your help and support! This film could not be made without the generosity of almost 250 people! That is truly remarkable and appreciated beyond words. We cannot wait to bring this film to life!!! xo, meg

9 Days left to GoGo for "11:11" FUNdraiser!

2011-04-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

Only 9 more days to GoGo! We are far from our initial goal, but the good thing is that IndieGoGo is not an all or nothing fundraising website! Not discouraging anyone to come along and drop $50k though! http://www.indiegogo.com/1111

If we can raise at least $5,555 that would be fantastic and would help pay for several of our expenses! Independent filmmaking is unfortunately not free and we are trying to cut ever corner possible without sacrificing the original vision of the film…but money is a necessary evil. With majority of the crew working for well below their normal rates, feeding them well is a huge priority! Helping raise the bar on IndieGoGo will ensure that these hard working film enthusiasts are properly nourished in order to endure hours of shooting!

A revised timeline has been created with a new goal of shooting early Fall when the vegetation is more appropriate to the season in which the film takes place. This does cut close to our intended premiere deadline, however we’ve opted to go the Works in Progress route for 11/11/11 for various reasons (mainly to not throw us out of the running for festivals such as SXSW and Sundance). This buys us more time to raise funds and prevents us from filming in the blazing heat of the North Carolina summer!

Thank you all for the support you’ve given us and we will keep you posted on the progress of 11:11!

The Lone Twin

2011-03-22T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to give you a heads up where 11:11 stands at the moment. Latest revisions are practically complete and will be sent off to a select group of people to review and feedback regarding any alterations that need to be made. I'm very confident in the new adjustments and feel as if they truly support our mission. I've been doing a lot of research about twin loss, which is dealt with in the film, and recently purchased an out of print book called "The Lone Twin". Reading a lot of this after consulting with twins who have lost their other half, I'm baffled by how I knew so much before even reading. I swear I'm not a twin (I double checked:) but always wanted one and have been jealous of them my whole life. After hearing so many stories about twin separation takes the jealous away and makes me very sad to know so many are suffering in silence because no one understands but other twins who have shared the same experience. Although I am a singleton, I can sympathize with the situation and only hope to bring such an overlooked topic to the screen in the most realistic light possible. I'm honored and intimidated to take on this challenge, but am so blessed to be supported as a voice of this hidden community. Thank you to the PATH GROUP for all of your help!

IndieGoGo has 41 days to go and still has a ways to it's goal. If you have a moment to repost or forward the IndieGoGo link about "11:11" to anyone who may be interested, that is a huge help! Contributions are tax-deductible and rewards are given in exchange for a donation. For more information, please visit... http://www.indiegogo.com/1111 Also check out the UPDATES section where you can read more about new information about the film! Thanks for your support and make a wish!!! xo, meg

Twinless Twins

2011-03-12T07:21:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

For the past few months of fundraising I have been very private about the details of the story lines in "11:11". Recently, I revealed some information regarding the story line of "Maggie", who is a 20 year old Twinless Twin. Many people do not know or understand the grief attached to the loss of a twin and I've been overwhelmed with support from the twin(less) community. I've consulted with many people about their experiences to ensure the character is depicted in the most realistic way possible. Strangely enough what I've already written was pretty much on point. I've learned a lot about the emotional rollercoaster that surviving twins go on after the loss of their other half and am moved beyond belief about the connection between twins even after the passing of one. I'm very grateful to those of you who have enlightened me with their stories and support what we are doing with our film. For more information, please check the UPDATES page on the IndieGoGo fundraising website! Thank you! xo, meg

http://www.indiegogo.com/1111?c=comments

More Press and Updates on 11:11

2011-02-11T05:23:00.000-08:00

Hi ya'll,
It's been a hot minute since I wrote a blog, but I've been juggling updates on 3 Facebook pages, IndieGoGo, Kickstarter, Twitter, Linkedin, Myspace... on top of actually revising the script!!!! Finally I have gotten over the hurdle of revising Act 1! The first act of a film is really the most important because that's when you can intrigue or lose your audience. I also want to ensure that I'm not revealing too much at the beginning in order for the connections to be figured out like a puzzle being put together as the story progresses. I feel pretty confident in the changes and now have the freedom to move on to Act II, which won't need many alterations at all, either will Act III.

The biggest thing I need to do though is to cut out 37 pages of the script! I decided a while ago to quit worrying about the length of the script and write what felt was right. Although I'm in the weeds right now trying to edit, edit, edit, I am glad that I let my thoughts flow freely to get it all out there. Strangely enough, as it stands now...the script is 148 pages long, which is waaaay too long (I'm not PT Anderson with the liberty of making an ensemble piece of this scale, but I hope someday:), but found it very interesting that Act 1 is precisely 37 pages. Multiply 37 x 3 = 111. 148-111 = 37. Strange that I have to edit out the same number of pages that I hope to be in each act. I wish I could have an Act IIII .... that would be awesome! Making a film of that length would be absolutely naive, being my first feature and all, but find it so interesting how the math has worked in this process! If only 3+7 = 11 and not 10, then that would be super weird!

Anyhow, Act II will be worked on today and I'm looking forward to moving on. I've been using the vacant downstairs apartment as my office (it's supposed to be our 'production office', but all my Producers are working on bigger shows right now) and this has helped my writing immensely! There is nothing down there but some tables, chairs and my computer. I sit in my favorite room with brand new slate tile and windows surrounding 3 walls. It's actually going to be the location of one of the character's bedrooms, so this is the perfect place to go for inspiration. There is no clutter and not cats running around or things to distract me! Just me and my laptop! I love the silent lucidity!

A couple updates if I haven't bored you to tears... The Greater Wilmington Business Journal published an article in their paper last week which is super cool and will reach out to an audience that I may not normally be able to access. Here is the link to read the article... http://www.wilmingtonbiz.com/industry_news_details.php?id=2193 The same writer will also be doing an article in a local women's magazine called WILMA. I'm honored to have been approached by both publications, especially one that is geared towards what women are doing in Wilmington! Also, I have emailed a friend who works in the Film Studies Department at UNCW and he's graciously offered to help me find enthusiastic students who will serve as Marketing Assistant Interns! This will be a HUGE help and take great weight off of my shoulders! So far on IndieGoGo, we have raised $3,074, but still have quite a ways to go... hence why this students will be of massive assistance! Thank you Dave Monahan for helping me with this search!

Last but not least, today is 2/11/11. 2 = 1+1. 1+1/11/11 is a fantastic day to make your contribution to "11:11" on IndieGoGo while receiving good karma, rewards AND a tax deduction! Your contributions are greatly appreciated, as is spreading the word! Thank you so much for your help and support! Here is where to GoGo! http://www.indiegogo.com/1111

IndieGoGo - Tax-Deductible Contributions until 5/1/11

2011-01-24T06:20:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

Just giving an update of what's going on in the world of "11:11". Recently, I was able to transfer the Kickstarter funds into the Kissin' Cousins Productions bank account. This is great news because I was then able to afford to meet with a lawyer to finally form my company into an official LLC with a subsidiary LLC for the film itself. Within the next two weeks, I will formally own...
Kissin' Cousins Productions LLC with a subsidiary company of Eleven Eleven Productions LLC. The Eleven Eleven Productions LLC will essentially be for "11:11" and all funding will be transferred to this account to further ensure the security of my Kissin' Cousins Productions LLC just in case the film does not pan out as intended...don't think this will happen! We will succeed in raising and spending all of our money without going over:)

As of a few weeks ago, "11:11" was approved for a Fiscal Sponsorship from the organization called Fractured Atlas. This is a support organization for independent filmmakers in which when approved, all contributions go through IndieGoGo which partners with Fractured Atlas and are TAX-DEDUCTIBLE! This is a huge incentive to investors! We have increased our goal by 5x the last... with the intention of raising $55,555 on IndieGoGo by the deadline of May 1, 2011. The great thing about doing IndieGoGo through Fractured Atlas is that we will be able to withdraw contributions as they come in without taking away from our end goal. Meaning, if we need the funding we have on IndieGoGo right now, we can withdraw it on an as needed basis! Here is the link in which YOU can make your tax-deductible contribution... http://igg.me/p/15809?a=44312&i=shlk Forwarding this link on to at least 11 other people and having them do the same is a huge help in spreading the word, so if you have the time to pass it on we would be sincerely grateful!

Right now, we have a little less than $11,000 in the "11:11" fund and $1,400 standing by on the IndieGoGo campaign. Our plan as of the moment is to shoot the exterior driving scenes at the end of February or early March when the trees are still dead with the funds that we have. From there, we will have several sample reels of footage that will be included in the film with the hopes that potential investors will like what they see and will contribute more substantial amounts of money.

Our overall goal is to raise at least $250,000 so we can qualify for the NC Film Tax Incentive. This is a lofty goal, but a low amount in the grand scheme of feature filmmaking budgets. Regardless of whether or not we 'reach the stars', the film will be made! However, it will become increasingly difficult to pull off a large production such as this for a minimal amount of money. Our main mission is to pay the crew reasonable wages for their time and to be able to afford camera, dolly and crane rentals. Not to mention, special effects, lighting, cast pay, food, etc.... There are a lot of 'hidden' costs when it comes to filmmaking that many people don't realize unless you work in the business. So, any and all contributions are greatly appreciated!

If you have any questions whatsoever, please contact me via email at 1111kissincousins@gmail.com Thank you for your help, time and support! xo, meg

11:11 Successfully Funded on Kickstarter!

2011-01-05T04:44:00.000-08:00

Forgive me for not posting this earlier, but I suppose the excitement took over my brain and I completely forget to post this after the Kickstarter fundraiser successfully ended a few days ago!

I am overjoyed with the wealth of generosity of each and every backer who contributed to "11:11" and to the those who helped spread the word! According to Facebook,1,800 people shared the link to this page! That is just Facebook alone...what did we do before the internet and social networks? Connecting as many people to this project was the mission behind this FUNdraising campaign and I'm blown away by the outcome...

As of 11:11pm EST New Year's Day, "11:11" EXCEEDED it's goal by 8%! A whopping $12,075.07 was raised; almost $1,000 more than the original goal (not including private donations)!!! This is an amazing accomplishment! Making a feature film is not an inexpensive venture and funding is challenging to find. Now, not only do we have the foundation funding to begin pre-production because of YOU, we also have proof of solid support from 183 pledgers...making this project more intriguing to future investors. We hope to raise 4x the money we have, so we can truly make the movie the way we want and to pay the crew reasonable rates! We will likely do further crowd funding pushes for production and post and are currently seeking investors to match what we've raised on Kickstarter. Private donations via Kissin' Cousins Productions are being accepted for those of you who missed the deadline as well. Send me a message if you would like further information.

Thanks to a11 of you, I already don't want 2011 to end! What a great start to a New Year! See you on 11/11/11!

11:11 strikes again!

2010-12-30T15:47:00.001-08:00

So, I took a quick break from posting the "11:11" Kickstarter link and on a whim decided to check out how much a flight to visit a friend of mine would be. I put it completely random dates in the future and what pops up... arrival time, 11:11! I think this is a sign that I should travel south for a few days this spring!

It's the final countdown on Kickstarter. Now they have hours listed and not days. That kind of freaks me out a little bit! But the good thing is we are at 65%, have 107 backers from 8 total countries. I feel confident that the other 35% will be fulfilled by the deadline of 1/1/11 at 11:11pm EST! http://kck.st/c3HwRR

It's the Final Countdown!

2010-12-28T16:10:00.000-08:00

The "11:11" Kickstarter campaign is down to the wire! Four days remaining. 57% funded. 83 backers. 7 countries involved. I am so blessed and grateful for all of the support that I've been given from friends, family and strangers during this process. It's very moving to know how much folks are rooting for me!

I want to reiterate that no one should be shy about pledging $1 if they are interested in participating, but don't have a lot of spare change. I'm an indie filmmaker, so I get it! Connecting as many people from as many countries as possible is my mission and I appreciate any amount that is pledged toward this project!

January 1, 2011 at 11:11pm EST is the deadline and if the goal is not met, then the project receives none of it's previous pledges! That wouldn't make for a great start to the New Year, but I have confidence that this goal will be met and we can move forward and finally get this film in the can!

Passing the link on to at least 11 people you think may be into this project (it's been confirmed that 5 Nada Surf songs from the album "Let Go" have been permitted for use in the final cut of the film) is a great way to help spread the word to those who may not know this project exists! Thank you in advance for everything!

http://kck.st/c3HwRR

Kickstarter Crunch Time!!!

2010-12-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone! We are in the final countdown of the "11:11" Kickstarter campaign with only 5 days to go! This website is ALL or NOTHING, so the $11,111.11 goal must be met by January 1, 2011 at 11:11pm EST or the project receives none of its previous pledges!

If you are following the project and haven't pledged, there is no present like the present! For as little as $11.11, YOU can help bring this film to life with rewards in return! If you have the time to pass this link on to 11 people that is a huge help in the final push this week!

http://kck.st/c3HwRR

Thank you in advance for your endless support! meg

The Significance of December 15th

2010-12-15T08:23:00.000-08:00

I'm taking today to reflect on the significance of December 15th in my life. In a way this day feels like New Year's Eve, where tomorrow I get to start over. To read about this in detail, please visit my Updates section on Kickstarter.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/188177159/11-11-an-interconnected-ensemble-feature-film/posts

29% funded. 2+9=11. 47 backers. 4+7=11.

2010-12-13T09:49:00.000-08:00

19 days to go! 29% funded. 2+9=11. 47 backers. 4+7=11.

My latest pledger is a twin (there is a set of female twins in my film) who gave birth to triplets a few months ago. One of the babies recently weighed in at 11 pounds 11 ounces. The lucky little guy prompted her to pledge today, so I need to thank him for being so awesome! I love that 1111 has become interwoven into the lives of those that surround me. The number is contagious and hope more folks will consider investing as little as $11.11 to 11:11! Time is running out!

Nada Surf

2010-12-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

Things are going well in 11:11 1and! Just had some very good news about the music that I've been planning to use for my film for years! Looks like 5 of the Nada Surf songs I've built many scenes around are going to be obtainable! This is a huge amount of weight lifted off my shoulders! Hopefully in a few days I will have clearance from another artist I'm dying to use the music of.

Last night I was interviewed at Wilmington's news station WECT Channel 6 for a broadcast tomorrow morning at 5am and 6am. I'm hoping this continual push for pledges locally works in my favor again! I did some math today and realized if all of my Facebook friends invested $11.11 now we would exceed our goal! After writing that on my wall, I got 3 more backers! 42 people participating so far! Will YOU be next?

11:11 backed by FOUR countries!!!

2010-11-23T05:10:00.000-08:00

833 views on the 11:11 Facebook page! Now if only all those folks would click the "like" button! Don't be shy!

We just received our 34th backer on Kickstarter and are very close to hitting $3,000 before Thanksgiving! I hope the holidays don't slow us down! Since we are now an internationally funded film: US, Germany, Belgium and Scotland...it's time to start looking into other countries and make this a global affair!

Thank you to all who have invested and helped spread the word. I have been told by a few friends that they are receiving my link numerous times, so apparently the 'pass this link on to 11 people" is working a little TOO well! It's time to start seeking out complete strangers!!! Sorry if you are one of the many who have been bombarded with links on Facebook, but at least you won't forget!

hurdle jumping

2010-11-21T05:42:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to wonder if anyone even reads these blogs since most everyone spends their time on Facebook these days? Of course I've been posting stuff on there as well, but you can't say as much...and well, if you know me then you are aware I'm quite verbose. Hence, why my latest version of 11:11 is far too long according to the page per minute average. That is my next hurdle after the Kickstarter hump. I'm going to spend as much time as I can promoting over the next few weeks, but also need to get back at the writing. I needed a break, but now I don't have the liberty of time. I know it will all work out in the end, but always wish there was more time to prepare. I need to make a good, solid schedule to keep myself within my timeline!

I've been emailing a lot of 11:11 followers regarding my project and I have to say I'm a bit nervous of their expectations of my film. 11:11 means different things to different people and some folks may not see it the same way as I do. I have not done extensive research on the spiritual nature of the numbers for I didn't know about it when this writing process began. This story was born out of someplace inside of my head and I don't want thousands of other's beliefs to redirect my original vision. I honor and respect everyone's views on this topic and I hope they can do the same for me. I've spent so much energy on this project and I have to believe there is a greater reason I'm so compelled to make this film.

With the anticipation of the Kickstarter goal being met, I know in all practicality that $11k isn't enough money to make a feature film of this scale. My plan is to connect with several people who I feel would be interested and able to match what I've raised on my own after Kickstarter ends. If I can't raise at least $50k, we could have an issue. Thank goodness for business credit cards! I might have to pull what Kevin Smith did with Clerks and max out my cards and hope the payoff is worth it! I just want to make this film more than anything I've ever wanted before and will make it happen no matter what tries to stand in my way. I will meet my goal to premiere on 11/11/11 regardless of the endless hurdles I will have to jump.

11/11 - a day of Remembrance

2010-11-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I want to take a moment to honor the soldiers who have risked their lives for our own, especially my late grandfather Paul Hardy and my Uncle Mark. 11/11 is such a special date and I don't want to lose sight on what this day is truly about.

On another note, this is a HUGE day for me! Myself and two of my awesome marketing assistants (Karla Slade and Whitney Baltz) have been working non-stop promoting a HUGE push of investors for "11:11" today on 11/11. Here is how you can participate...

Either visit www.kickstarter.com and search 11:11 or click this link... http://kck.st/c3HwRR

Also, in the past two days I've had some amazing support from local press. Check out these two articles, courtesy of Shea Carver at Encore and Amy Hotz & John Staton at the Star News! Don't forget to make a wish today! xo, Meg

http://www.encorepub.com/welcome/?p=1543

http://www.starnewsonline.com/article/20101110/ARTICLES/101119979?p=1&tc=pg&tc=ar

Who wants to be #11?

2010-11-10T05:40:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought that everyone was waiting for 11/11 to donate, I got my 10th investor on Kickstarter! Thank you E11ie! Next up is lucky investor #11! What a prized spot! If it happens tomorrow at 11:11, that would just be wild!

I have an article in the Star News tomorrow and an article in Encore TODAY! I will post links to the online versions once I have them! I have posted some UPDATES on my Kickstarter page if you want to check it!!!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/188177159/11-11-an-interconnected-ensemble-feature-film

Don't forget about tomorrow! 11/11 only comes once a year!!! xo, meg

giving birth to a nine year old

2010-11-09T20:06:00.000-08:00

11/11 is fast approaching and I'm awaiting for this thing to explode! I have @ awesome marketing assistants and 2 articles coming up in the paper the next 2 days (ha...222). Really, I just want a lot of people involved...so if you can afford a $1 that's awesome! Every dollar counts and they can add up quickly! Especially if everyone who loved 11:11 was involved! I just got schmetterlinger (butterflies) in my belly thinking that. Uh oh, clock says, 11:10 now I'm ahead of myself...

Actually that's not a bad thing! I want to be ahead because the next days will be crazy! I'm so glad I have help, but could always use more, spreading the word is key. Let people know what's going on! Strange thing is I was searching through my contacts on FB and saw my filmmaker friend Jonathan had a digital clock with the 11:11 as his profile picture. This is awesome. I love knowing people who see the numbers like I do.

I had a man contact me from a chat forum I was on by telephone. He was telling me about how the numbers were actually spirits trapped in another time frame trying to communicate through electronic waves through the numbers. If the numbers are 1:11, 2:22 or 3:33, they are midwayers and if it's 4:44, they are angels... I've read a little about 11:11 but never wanted to study it enough to taint what the numbers mean to me... but this conversation was a bit eerie.

I will tell you why... there was a part when he was talking about how midwayers appear in a field as if they are in between our time and the next. There are two sequences in my film that are fairly similar. My film is not a spiritual film, nor is it hokey. It just feels like real life and how timing and circumstance determine your ultimate outcome. I think my heart is going to explode this time plus two days from next year! it will be like birthing a 9 year old baby!!!!

11:11 Advertising

2010-11-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

Been writing postcards, sending emails everywhere, signing up for chat room, writing letters to celebrities...I'm doing all I can, but the Kickstarter investments haven't changed in days! This could totally turn around with a big wave hopefully on 11/11/10 and from there on out after I've done advertising in the newspaper and on the radio. Regardless of a lower number than I'd like...all can change is a matter of time. The trick is spreading the word. i cannot emphasize it enough! You would be amazed how many people believe in the 11:11! Thank you!!! xo, meg

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/188177159/11-11-an-interconnected-ensemble-feature-film

11:11 KICKSTARTER!!!

2010-11-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it took me this long to post this on the blog! I've been so busy promoting the launch of my Kickstarter page on November 1, 2010 at 11:11a.m. It was emotional! After all this hard work, it's finally out there! I just hope that I meet my goal...really exceed it! $11,111 is a good foundation but not at all enough to fund this film. I know how to cut corners but there are no corners to cut on this one.

Kickstarter is a fundraising page for independent films seeking money for their projects. The only trick is, if you don't meet your goal by the deadline, you don't get any previous investments. And then you have to start from scratch. But this isn't going to happen. I finally hired an intern and she's already done an awesome job. It's so nice having some help! What a relief! Now I need to focus on promotion! promotion! promotion! That's what it's about. This is a universally interconnected film and should be funded as such. It would make me so proud if this projected was funded over the top so I can make the film the way I want.

Been so busy and keep forgetting to eat, so I'm going to cut to the chase... If you experience seeing 11:11 every time you look at the clock, love the bands Nada Surf, Death Cab for Cutie, Maria Taylor, Azure Ray, and The Replacements, then this is the project for you to invest in! This film will be more of an art piece as if a lot of the scenes are driven by the music.

Here is the link to Kickstarter. The cool thing is that the investment tiers have a range anywhere from $1-$4,444. All investors receive a special prize, so have a look to see what works best for you! If you invest on 11/11, you get a special surprise! Thank you in advance for helping make this wish come true!

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/188177159/11-11-an-interconnected-ensemble-feature-film?ref=search

about to Kickstart 11:11

2010-10-25T06:59:00.000-07:00

The past two months have been a whirlwind. I've been working endlessly on several pertinent changes to the my 11:11 screenplay. It's challenging to alter something that has essentially been the same for eight years. The more I work on it, the higher the page count is! I wish I was in a position to pull a PT Anderson, but I don't have that kind of budget...or any for that matter! So I've been taking a much needed writing break for about a week so I can move forward with my Kickstarter Fundraising Campaign. I'm almost finished with the page and am currently working on the video. I can truly sympathize with actors who have 3 minutes of straight dialog and have to get it right in one take. It's not easy! After dozens of takes, I'm thinking I want to go back and add a few things anyhow. Being a perfectionist right now is not doing wonders for my timeline! However, as long as the campaign is up and running by November 1st I will be a very happy camper! I plan to end my Kickstarter deadline on January 1, 2011 at 11:11pm. My goal is to reach $11,111, but will need 10x as much money to complete the film. But $11k would still be an amazing start to the project. I will put the pertinent information on this blog once the page is up and running.

The clock continues to tick faster and louder, but I'm trying to not let that break my spirit. Independent filmmaking is a harsh uphill battle, but no matter how many times I'm knocked down I will get back up and keep moving forward. I've wanted to make this film for so long and it would be an incredibly missed opportunity if it's not completed by it's intended date of November 11, 2011. Many people keep telling me that my project will be done when it's done and to not put so much pressure on myself, but after 8 years of planning this film I would be crushed if my goal all along wasn't met. This is where I will need your help. Financing is always the biggest hurdle in independent filmmaking and every penny counts. At the time of a recession I know it's difficult for those to invest in anything other than themselves, but it everyone pitched in even $11.11 we could accumulate some serious cash for this film! So if you are planning on buying me a Christmas present...the best gift in the world would be to check out my Kickstarter page when it's up and running on November 1, 2010-January 1, 2011. Until then, become a fan of Kissin' Cousins on Facebook! I will be posting updates there as we continue on this path!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wilmington-NC/Kissin-Cousins-Productions/125036390862193?ref=sgm

chasing the clock

2010-10-04T18:27:00.000-07:00

It's been forever since I've blogged on this page. I can't believe I broke my promise before, but I've been busy redrafting my feature 11:11. Slowly but surely, it's coming along. It's difficult to make changes when something has been the same for so long. But after thinking about these characters for so many years, I have created a lot more depth in them. Sometimes I wish I had written a novel! That way I can say everything I want to about these people. it's strange how you can grow so attached to fictitious characters. I know so much about their lives and their history. We are the products of what we've experienced in the past, so I've developed a history for all of them. It's liberating to have that control, but am not sure I would want any of their lives:)

I kind of panicked on my birthday this year. 34. Scary how fast 33 raced by. No more talking about it. This is THE year 11:11 has to be made. I don't have a choice but to move forward. I've waited for too long and the clock keeps ticking louder and louder. Time is running out. I have a plan, but need to get ahead quickly. The writing process is slowing down the fundraising process because without a locked script there is nothing to show anyone. I do plan on starting a Kickstarter page no later than Nov. 1. I will be able to put something together for the video pitch that is creative and reflects my mission. 11:11's concept is based on the interconnectivity of lives and how every individual's choice affects the other. The domino effect. The importance of timing determining the outcome of your life. I want to incorporate the concept of a large group of people collectively contributing to this film, so the idea is if everyone donates $11.11 that a little can add up to a lot. Everyone can be a part of this project. I'm actually excited about the marketing and publicity end of this film. Now if I could just get the writing done!

Lots of things are piling on this shrinking plate, but I know that I need to pull it together and knock this thing out. I don't care if I have to have Silent Auctions and Yard Sales. Well, of course I care, that wouldn't be ideal but I would resort to those measures if money does not fall from the sky. I hate to think of movies on these large budget scales when you can make a good film in a room with two people if the script and actors are good enough. Although mine is quite the opposite...an ensemble piece with lots of locations, cars and rain. This adds a layer of complication to production, but right now I'm writing BIG. I can write what I want, how I want and scale back when the money doesn't allow us the privileges. Money has never stopped me before and it won't stop me this time. I am chasing the clock, but I'm pretty sure I will be ready when I catch up to it.

zeitumstellung

2009-11-05T06:49:00.000-08:00

Ok. I'm officially a dingbat! German is such a difficult language. The words are so long! I mistakenly wrote the wrong word for time change and put the German word for bachelor:) the correct word for time change is zeitumstellung. Again another double ll. Both words have double ll! 11:11!!!

My friend whose birthday is on 11/11 sent me a text regarding her bday plans at 11:11pm. She didn't even realize it which is such an eleven eleven thing to happen! I'm still kicking myself for not pulling together anything for cucalorus works in progress for my film. It would have been a great venue to seek investors! Although if I piled one more item on my overfilled plate I might explode!

New years resolution is to just say no! I've been investing countless hours on free stuff and haven't had a stitch of time to work on my own stuff. Its making me grumpy at this point so I must change my ways and not spread myself thin. This year I will focus on me!

We are shooting at a funeral home right now. At first I thought it was the one jon shaw's funeral was held in but ends up its a different one. That would have been strange considering we are filming on my old street later today. The street where my sister and I were attacked exactly a year after jon's passing. Mixed emotions today and happy to be in the land of the living!

Did I tell you the weirdest of the weird? There is a funeral home a block from. My nc house that is called John Shaw's funeral home. If that's not the weirdest coincidence of all I don't know what is!!!

Junggeselle

2009-10-31T23:32:00.000-07:00

Right now we are in the middle of the time change! I get to relive an hour and do whatever I want. All I'm excited about is the extra sleep. Fall back is better than spring forward. In Germany they call the time change 'Junggeselle'...did you notice the word has a double ll in it? There is an 11 in the word! This makes me happy.

Dressed up as Bloody Mary for Halloween to tie in with the Bloody Merry X-MAS! theme. Maybe people didn't catch on right away. I gave them little clues to say my name three times and look in the mirror and showed them the celery stalk leaves in my hair to play on the idea of the drink as well. This was probably my favorite costume I've made. I loved being covered in blood! My makeup looked crazy and I had so much baby powder in my hair!

The party I went to was at my friend's house who just made a short zombie flick. The movie was really good! The special effects, makeup, acting, cinematography...everything was slick. The budget was teeny, but you would never know looking at it. This is what I love about Wilmington. People do their best at what they do regardless of a paycheck. Starting to think about the shooting schedule for 11:11 as if it were a series of short films shot over the course of a year. Could save us a lot of money and it would be interesting to see the characters faces age ever so slightly.

seasons change

2009-10-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

What a slacker I have been! I started a blog the other day and never finished it. Been busy with work and have lazed around the past few days. I'm so tired and my body is so sore. It's been nice being alarm clock free the past few days. Rest is the best remedy for me. I will be so excited to not carry heavy shit around this week! I would rather not sub all too much the next two weeks. So much to catch up on with the festival and I need to upload the photos from the wedding. Work never stops!

I've been thinking a lot about location the last week. And if it matters where we live. Can I do what I want somewhere else? Not that I want to move by any means, but a fork in the road has presented itself. A decision doesn't need to be made right now, but eventually something will have to change in order to work it out. For the first time in a long time, I'm ready to fight for someone.

The next two years will be quite a journey. So many challenges and hurdles await me. I just hope I'm strong enough to juggle what this year tosses my way. Change can be intimidating. Especially if they are life alterations. The puzzle pieces seem to be falling into place and right now, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Being in Huntington for work has been a mind expanding experience and look forward to working on more shows with totally different crews!

I'm a bit concerned about money in the next two months. Winter is very slow in the film world, so I figure this would be a good time to do some visiting. Columbus definitely and maybe overseas! Hopefully my plane credit from the wedding will transfer over to a European trip. Damn travelocity! So much travel lately... I should be a truck driver or a teamster. I would make a hell of a lot more money!

fortune telling

2009-10-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

Its been forever since I've blogged. Forgive me for slacking off but it has been a whirlwind week. I drove to Uniontown, Pennsylvania on Tuesday to scout the city for 11:11. It was a bit different than expected, but there were many things I found inspiring. The train tracks and cemetaries especially made me happy. I would like to include more of those details in 11:11.

It was so nice to get away for a night alone and decompress. The following day I took more photographs and dashed off to the lehigh valley for my friends wedding. The whole trip was a blast with some very unexpected surprises. For the first time in an eternity I met someone who I connected with on an indescribable level. Where language and words unneccessary and a stare spoke volumes...who would have thought I would be speechless?

Now we are in our separate countries with an ocean parting us. Although its quite tragic to say goodbyes after several amazing days, I keep thinking how lucky I am. This man made me realize that I'm not so jaded that I've closed myself off to the possibility of love. He's reassured me that good men do exist; they are just hard to find...and somehow he fell from the sky and landed right where I needed him to be.

My friend who got married had actually attempted to set us up before and I declined. Set ups aren't my thing and he lived in another country. But now that we've met on our own terms, I know regardless we will always be friends. Its funny how life works. Twelve years ago I met the groom and who would have thought living in different states we'd still be in touch? Just makes me wonder where I will be twelve years in the future....

movie magic

2009-10-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a tavern in Uniontown, Pennsylvania wishing they had Killians Red. Decided to drive a bit out of the way for the wedding to research. At first I was unsure this was the kind of town I am expecting... Then I stumbled upon all the train tracks and delapidated buildings. This is exactly what 11:11 is all about.

Tomorrow morning I will be going around the city taking more photographs of things that inspire me. I'm excited to be here, yet my body still aches from two weeks of slave labor. I'm beginning to wonder if I have the swine flu with the exhaustion I feel. I can't seem to rest enough. Doesn't help that there is no light at the end of the tunnel...just one thing after the next, all including 8 hour drives.

I spend so much of my life in the car these days. I'm out seeing the world through the windows watching others peoples lives whiz by on their way to work or a funeral. One of the first things that caught my eye today was a cemetary and strangely came across a funeral shortly there after. So many of the details in 11:11 are here, which is exactly what I'm going for.

I keep looking for signs telling me my purpose here and when I opened the local Herald Standard paper I read about a paul haggis film being shot here. I also added up the numbers in the zip code and its sum was 11. It seems futile, I know, but these are the things I pay attention to. I made a wish in a fountain today as well, hoping this town will assure me that union can be replicated in wilmington.

capturing time

2009-10-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

It's 11:11! I have missed a few days of blogging, but have been productive taking pictures. Many of them turned out really great. The mere change of a setting makes all the difference. The light was so beautiful on Saturday. Golden rays of sunshine shimmered through the trees. It was nice that it was natural, not the effect of a Cucalorus and a 10K. My godsister was the perfect model. She knew what to do without me asking her. She wasn't awkward and would move where I wanted her to be without my finishing the sentence. I'm happy with these photographs. I'm excited to get back into photography.

This wedding in Pennsylvania will be fun. I'm honored (and a bit scared) to be the official photographer. What if I mess up? It's only the most important day of their lives! I know it will be fine; just me with the pre-jitters. The new flash is looking good, but I need to do some reading about the settings:( I hate reading directions! I just like to figure things out on my own, but don't have the liberty to do it this time. I'm still debating on going to Union first. It's out of the way, but think I'd regret it if I didn't take the opportunity. Do I spend a Wednesday night there? Funny considering that is the name of the band in my film. Should I take that as a sign to stay? But if I do, will I suffer the demise of my characters?

Lately I've been considering shooting 11:11 as a series of shorts shot storyline by storyline over the course of the year. We would aim to shoot out consecutively over time as if the characters have aged in the course of a week. Would that be a disaster? For some reason it makes me feel like it's going to cost less money. Or would it be a cluster*&%$? I'm just ready to make it! I need some time to get back into writing as well. I'm close to finishing draft 9, but this time there are a lot of changes. Characters are more defined. Their back stories revealed a bit more. I'm excited to watch the actors morph into these people. If only I could get Mark Ruffalo...

About to upload my new photographs taken in Ritter Park. I wish we could have taken more. I'd like to go back when the light is just right again. I'm so excited to be in West Virginia during the fall when the leaves change colors. The best time of year to be here. There are some beautiful places in Kenova I'd like to shoot. All sorts of bridges and train tracks with a live train passing by every 30 minutes. It made me so happy. Then I realized that my affection for trains and bridges must be because they surrounded me my entire childhood. Amazing how you don't notice those details until you go away for a while.

sustenance

2009-10-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how much I've turned into my folks! Last night I pressed in the lock for the door leading from the garage into the house. This morning I forgot I'd done that and closed the door shut. When I looked at my key ring there was no house key. I'd forgotten I gave it back to my dad a few weeks ago. I was locked out! Another not great start to the day. I didn't panic and managed to get one set of keys by 9:15am and another left just in case by four. I love this town and my loved ones!

I had to go through the grapevine for pertinent numbers and caught up with some folks. Also called one of my parent's friends about using the view from their house for an establishing shot. I remembered this beautiful view from their porch. Unfortunately, one of the rare other times I've been there was to hide out mere hours after I was shot in 1995. It was strange being there. All those memories rushing back as they did yesterday. There is a reason for all things and this visit has put a lot of focus on me realizing how much that incident affected me.

My sister went into a program today and I won't be talking to her 25 times a day like I'm used to. It's a melancholy moment for us all. I'm proud of her for recognizing an issue that has affected her since she was 14 years old. Seems ironic that I'm working on a food show when she has severe food issues. I did as a child, likely because I was on a weight loss program by the time I was ten. I guess I relaxed on the food obsession at about 21 years old. Now I don't care. Not eating meat is already bonus points. It's sad because food should be fun, not such a calculated experience.

I'm about to go out and I'm running behind, but I don't want to rush around. Pacing myself...easing into my evening. Hopefully I'll finally be able to hang out with work folks in a bit. I'm staying with my godsister tonight, which is good. My folks and her parents are out of town and she just went through a scary experience. I'm glad that I'm able to give her some guidance and coping skills. Assuring her that the fear with subside gradually over time. You will trust again. Just be on guard at all times. Watch your own back. Because in the end, all you have is yourself.

flashbacks

2009-10-01T16:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting alone in the bedroom of my parent's house for the first time in a while. I feel like I can finally relax...sort of. It's strange coming home to Hardy's empty (and clean for the first time in months!) room, no smell of cigarette smoke from my mom and no pitter patter of my dad's shoes. The cats greeted me at the door, which was a good sign considering what happened to me this morning...

I woke up in the house alone and got ready for work as normal, but sans the brief interactions with my family. Apparently one of my cats got out when mom and my sister left, so I had to wrangle Blakely. Then I had to dummy check everything... was the coffee pot off? Did I lock the backdoor when I let Blakely back in? Did the front door close all the way? Did I forget anything? Without my personal asisterant (sister/assistant) and my parents, I had no one to call if I needed something. I don't have that in Wilmington, but have become accustomed to it here. Now I'm running late for work.

Just as I'm about to leave, I notice the alarm flashing Not Ready. Something was open. I rushed around the house checking all the doors again. Nothing. I ran upstairs and the attic door was half open. Immediate flashbacks. Feelings of panic resinating from the time before when a door opened mysteriously. Only that time someone was on the other side and tried to murder me. I felt all those emotions rushing back as if it was all going to happen again like a flash before my eyes. I screamed for the cats, making sure they didn't get inside. I didn't see anything, thank God, so I closed the door and ran downstairs looking for the cats. Found them both. Wasn't sure what happened, maybe the door wasn't shut all the way and Buddy pawed it open? He does like it in there. Regardless, I was rushed for work and had to go. I felt very strange leaving for work not knowing really what happened.

I rush off to work like a lunatic. Not a good way to start the day. Made a few mistakes this morning and felt really stupid. Again I was the lone PA on the early shift, so I had to be in five places at once. Not to mention I was tired and had a headache. My head wasn't at work; it was at home. Early in the day, I lost it...fell apart. After the third person asked me if I was okay, I started crying. You don't cry on set. Embarrassing. I couldn't explain myself because it's so complicated. My family is all gone and a door opens on it's own. My Dad has been so paranoid about me being alone in this house and it's apparently rubbed off on me. Having the house alone in Huntington, although not on Whitaker where it happened, is a bit strange. I don't feel safe like I do in Wilmington. I'm scared at night here.

After one suffers a brutal attack or is a victim of violence will never be the same again. There is this heightened sense of awareness, yet lack of control of when those panicked moments will occur. You're like a ticking time bomb. I haven't had a flashback in several years and this one wasn't fun. It felt like I was going to barf. In an instant, I thought someone was in the house, I'm going to die, the fucker is going to kill me, steal all my families things and leave the doors open so the cats get out into the streets. These are my thoughts at 7:45 this morning.

Now I'm at home, alive, about to make dinner with some leftovers gifted to me by the food stylists. What nice, polite British ladies! I love when I get to help them on set! I'm going to make a pasta dish with shitake mushrooms, spinach and green onions. Yum! It will be nice to cook a meal without interruptions and have a little moment of silence in a killer free house. My cats are content and roaming about as normal, so I know there is no perpetrator in proximity...they would sense it. Sigh of relief!

cat scratch fever!

2009-09-30T18:55:00.000-07:00

Crazy day. Long. No writey tonighty. Got bit by a cat today and hope I don't get an infection!

blindness

2009-09-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

It's so cold in wv today! I'm sitting, yes not standing, by a school playground watching kids play. Weird to be here and not teaching. I actually miss my kids in the EC class at sunset park. Literally they make my heart smile! It makes me want to go to work. I know they needed a sub today, but I'm in wv.

Just ate lunch and my tummy is mad at me. Sitting in a parking lot enjoying the quiet as the wind blows through the trees. Its so cold, but beautiful. I forgot how much I love the changing of the seasons here. Fall is magical, but not when you forget to bring heavier coat. Layering it is.

Still waiting for the arrival of my camera flash. Want to test it before the wedding. I hope it looks great! I need to spend some time converting raw images to my hard drive so they are thumbnails I can actually see. If anyone has recommendations of how to do this let me know!

Had yesterday off, but time slipped away from me. I did buy some new clothes and need to invest in some long shirts. Goodwill will have to be the store of choice considering the money I am dropping compared to how much I'm getting paid. On my ten day break I'm driving to wilmington for halloween. I have decided to go as bloody mary to tie into the bloody merry xmas theme. Currently researching the story behind the real person and she was craaazy! I can pull that off!

Hoping to get some subbing and babysitting in when I'm in NC so I can balance out gas costs, so if you have any work for me... Going to catch up on cucalorus stuff as well. Already began my write ups but need to write two more longer versions. This will be a challenge considering they are short films and don't want to give the whole premise away. I guess I will focus on the filmmaker's backgrounds. After all without their visions the audience will be blind.

bloody mary

2009-09-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

Got my call time for tomorrow. 6AM. Wish I had a day off where call was early, rather than later. I hate waking up early! I took a two hour nap today, which was nice, but didn't get to accomplish all that I wanted today. I'm supposed to do a few write ups for the Cucalorus Magazine and wrote two short summaries today. They also want some longer versions, but feel like I will be telling the entire premise of the films if that's the case. With shorts, everything is so compressed and I don't want to give away every detail! I suppose for the longer versions, I can go more into depth about the alumni filmmakers and their previous films. Perhaps that will draw a crowd that enjoyed their work in Cucalorus past.

I'm so looking forward to the festival this year and am blessed with a schedule that will allow me the flexibility to be a part of the festivities for my eighth consecutive year. I submitted my silly horror film, but seriously doubt it will be selected. It's not meant to be taken seriously, so no biggie if it gets the boot. Hopefully we will show it at a Halloween screening at a local bar/art gallery. I simply don't know what to go as on Halloween this year. I suppose since horror is my theme this year, maybe I will dress up as someone who has been murdered on Christmas (to tie into a Christmas/Halloween horror theme). Maybe I will be a Bloody Mary with a celery stalk! ha!

safety first

2009-09-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

Sitting on dewey grass for the reminder of my lunch break. Wanted to blog now since I will be visiting my friend who was mugged the other night after work. I think she feels comforted by my company considering I too have been a victim of a violent attack.

Found out that the festival I wanted wait... To screen at so badly a few years ago is screening all submissions this year. My goal is to screen at the keith albee where I used to go to the cinema as a kid. Seems suiting to screen in the town in which the event took place.

My sister and I don't really discuss what happened back in 1995, rather we call it the incident. I am convinced this attack triggered my dad's stroke, which continues to affect his daily life. Its unbelievable how a single event can resinate over the years. I thought the making of the film would provide my parents with some closure, but to this day when I'm at home my dad can't sleep until I'm home and the alarm is on.

Dad is out of town and I have to say its a very quiet house. No tapdancing or fiascos with the coffeemaker or dishwasher. For a few days this week I will be alone in the house. Mom has already suggested I stay with my friend who was just mugged. No matter how old you are, your parents never stop worrying about your safety!

zzzzz

2009-09-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

A day off. How nice. I tried to be as chill as possible. Slept in. No alarm. No pressing matters I needed to wake up for. Did the laundry, watched shows, went to the drug store and spent too much money on toiletries, got a massage, took a nap... it was a good day! My sister was in Columbus today and brought me back Adriatico's pizza. My tummy was very happy! Jamie Oliver would not approve:)

Work starts back up tomorrow. Originally it was supposed to be a 6 day work week, meaning I would get time and a half. They cut one of my days so they didn't have to pay the extra $50. Wow. Whatever. I will be happy to have a day off this week. Sleep is my most favorite thing and I would love to have a day to chill with my sister before she leaves and hopefully my godsister. Bless her...she got mugged last night. It was really bad. There were two men and one of them reached in her window and stole her purse. She proceeded to chase after her and he roughed her up a bit. Poor thing is a complete mess and having panic attacks every five minutes. She's afraid to leave her house. I told her that the feeling will subside in time because I've been through it.

Lately I've come to realize that I'm not content with my position in the film industry. What I get paid to do, I should say. I'm more than JUST a PA and shouldn't be beaten to the ground and bruised beyond belief. We are abused and under appreciated by most. I simply don't understand how one job is more important than the other. We are all trying to accomplish the same goal. We all have equal importance; without each other it couldn't exist. Rush rush rushing on little sleep and operating heavy machinery should be minimized. I even fell down half a flight of stairs yesterday, luckily my backpack cushioned the blow.

My massage today was unfortunately Swedish and not deep tissue, which is really what I need. She was worry about my fall yesterday. I was bummed about that, but not as much as my dad shuffling around the house and talking loudly with the cats as I was trying to relax. I think his hearing is starting to go and doesn't realize how amplified he is. The tv in the kitchen is always blasting to the point where I can't hear myself think. I cleaned up the kitchen, the bathroom, my bedroom and washed my sister's sheets today. Having things tidy always makes me more organized and I can sleep better at night. On that note, zzzzz...

quiet is the new noise

2009-09-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

Sitting away from set on my lunch break so I don't get roped into work off the clock. Things much better today. Learning how to copy that and otherwise keep my mouth shut. Got several much needed thank yous today. Its amazing how two words make all the difference. Hopefully folks are realizing how hard I work! We are all trying to accomplish the same goals after all!

One of the producers on this show is really great and down to earth. He seems to appreciate all the hands involved in making this machine function. I strive to be a producer of such grateful nature myself. I promise to respect all of the crew members who help make my dreams a reality. I always want to keep spirits up and a positive attitude. It seems to make the day less grueling.

I am exhausted and ready for a much needed day off free of alarms. I will likely sleep away half of my one day off and spend the remaining hours doing laundry and playing catch up. My emails are bombarding me and am craving time to focus on my cucalorus duties. I am so thrilled to have the flexibility to partake in all of the festivities this year. I can't imagine how dreadful it would have been to miss my first festival in eight years...especially with the rate I'm getting on this job. I am very blessed to have this opportunity.

My sister is heading back to LA next week and I'm surprised to say how much I will miss her presence. For the first time in years we are getting along quite well. She's been a godsend lately, helping tie up loose ends while I'm working long hours. Soon I will be back in only childdom in my hometown. It will be quite strange having my folks to myself again. The house will be so quiet with only the sounds of my dad tapdancing on the floorboards.

the science of sleep

2009-09-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a good night of sleep will do. Got humiliated by one of my bosses on channel one two days in a row, but today I took it like a champ. Copy you. I don't have a brain because I'm a PA. Copy you. The only reason why people embarrass others is because they are insecure with themselves. You get much further in life being kind to others. I promise to always remember to be kind no matter what position I have. And with that, I'm off for a short night of shuteye!

hump day

2009-09-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

wednesday was the forgotten blog. i technically had the time, but chose to use it another way. sorry to forget about you wednesday, hump day!

directions

2009-09-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

i never write the title to a blog first, but this time i did. somehow the word directions popped into my head and i knew it would be my theme of the day. my GPS broke today, which really suck considering i'm responsible for driving a camera crew around town. granted, they give me a map (like the olden days) but i prefer having not to read while driving while transporting three other human beings...not to mention expensive camera equipment. i cannot believe that i used to do locations and am this directionally challenged. i have no confidence in my geographic skills. perhaps i am destined to be lost.

taking a different turn on the road, missing a light to let a pedestrian go by, your alarm not going off. these are all the little moments that determine the outcome of your life...you randomly stumble upon your destiny. are we exactly where we are supposed to be? sitting in the upstairs bedroom with my sister asleep downstairs and my parent's milling about in their 'nests'. who would have thought at 33 i would be living in my parent's attic and working on a tv show that also films at an elementary school. what are the odds? is it coincidence or fate? life just happens and guides you where you are supposed to be.

haven't had much time to write, but since my call was 4am today i got home early enough to allow myself a few moments of solace. suppose i am searching for some outlet of creativity. writing just soothes me. when i don't do it for a while i get a little nuts in my head. like all these thoughts are going to explode. can't keep it all in. i busted my keester today and i'm dragging. trying to make it to bed by eight. two hours. waking up at 3am is no fun, but coming in at that time is!

wish i would have had more of a blowout on my birthday, but it was pretty low key. it's difficult when you have certain expectations for things. holy shizzle! i had to get up while writing because i remembered the USB cable was in the drawer. thinking perhaps the car adapter cord was the problem, i wanted to try this. of course the gps didn't have an outlet for that, but all of a sudden when i touched it it turned on! in my mind i wanted to fix it so badly so i didn't have to deal with it's maintenance. i wished it to repair it so badly that it came true. i have directions now.

second chances

2009-09-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

My call time tomorrow is 4am and I'm still working. I doubt I will have a moment to blog when I get home...so here it is. I'm tired and ready to work on something creative. A film festival I submitted to before is allowing resubmissions so wait... May get another chance to play in huntington. Fingers crossed. I can't imagine a more suiting place to screen!

a different kind of marriage

2009-09-20T07:35:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd kick off age 33 with a blog. Managed to keep my friend out long enough last night to ring in the new year:) Got a drink purchased by an unbelievably hot guy (and I never say that) and had happy birthday sung to me in Spanish by a friend's friend who was moving to Spain. Not a bad start at all. Bought a Power Ball lottery ticket yesterday as well and used my 11 inspiration in the selection process. Haven't checked to see what the winning numbers are yet, but wouldn't that make my life a hell of a lot easier. I'd love to fund a film inspired by numbers with WV lotto $!

I've always had this feeling that age 33 was going to be my year. Big things are on the horizon...I sense it. A year is a long time to accomplish my goals, so I mustn't lose sight of my ultimate plan. I'm moving forward at a steady speed and the confidence to set the cruise control and lay off of the brakes. Being in this town where my core was formed has reminded me of my accomplishments over the 15 years I've been away from here. As a young girl, all I wanted to do was act. I yearned to be in the entertainment business from a young age and was restricted due to location. As I continued to grow up, I found myself writing screenplays (in non-traditional format of course) and falling more in love with photography. In college, I immersed myself in the storytelling of images frame by frame. My voice was heard through the content of the images.

After graduating, I fell deeper into childcare and realized I was unsure about wanting to be a mother. It also became clear to me that I didn't want to morph into a wedding photographer either (which is what many professional photographers end up doing). What would I do with my life that would make me happy? I was so confused. Then, after my off again on again college boyfriend decided to move, it occurred to me that his absence freed me of a town I loved so much. I could leave feeling as if I wasn't leaving any question marks behind. While watching an episode of Dawson's Creek (shot in Wilmington, NC), I had an epiphany that I should move to Wilmington and attempt to secure my place in the entertainment industry. NC was far less intimidating than NY or LA, so I said goodbye to my best friends and the kids I'd grown to love as if they were my own and left Ohio...bound for NC.

Instantly, I began working as an extra on Dawson's Creek and began volunteering for the Cucalorus Film Festival. As difficult as the first year was, I discovered during my first film festival that I had found my home. Filmmaking marries so many of my interests: imagery, storytelling, performance, music... I tried to teach a few years and found myself being depressed when movies would shoot in town and I wasn't working on them. It felt as if I had married the wrong person. Now that I have made the choice to work primarily in film, I find myself fulfilled. This is what I'm supposed to do with my life and I've carried it around with me my entire existence. Maybe you don't believe in premonitions, but I know in my heart that my path has lead me right where I need to be. Here.

kickoff

2009-09-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

At the marshall game. Last day of my 32nd year. Not going to write a long blog today, but wanted to say that I feel like 33rd is going to be a year of change. This is just the kickoff!

filmmaking architecture

2009-09-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

Internet is out at my parent’s house, so I’m typing this is word and transferring tomorrow. I am that loyal to my promise to write daily! I missed the cut off by four minutes!

Today I did another marathon trip from NC to WV. Today I managed to make it here in seven hours and twenty minutes, which is my fastest time to date. It was kind of nice packing up the car and enjoying the open road sans the kitties. I had a lot less responsibility and could enjoy the open road…

So many of my script ideas have been fleshed out driving long distances. This time, I chose to forego the usual 11:11 soundtrack primarily and listened to my hopeful “On the Road” soundtrack. That unwritten script will likely be my second feature. I figure that one would be a better fit for a sophomore feature than “Conjoined” (another twin script!) because it requires a ton of travel. My hope for “On the Road” is to travel across the country and shoot in real landmark venues as a tour for a fictitious band. I will also attempt to reunite bands from my hey day to play in the background as well. Granted, we will all be pushing forty by the time it is made, so distant wide shots will be required.

I have so many ideas for films that I can’t seem to get them to paper as fast as the thoughts come to me. I suppose it’s best to marinate on the concept first anyhow. Next time, I plan to outline the structure next time rather than just typing words on paper. It is so necessary to get the core scenes in place, then build around them. No more of this restructure after the fact! So much of filmmaking is a learning process and this is the main concept I plan on focusing on for number 2. Now I just need to complete my freshman year!

germaphobe

2009-09-17T20:56:00.000-07:00

I almost went to bed without writing a blog! It's 4 minutes until midnight and I get up early in the morning to drive back to WV. My bags are overpacked this go around, with many clothing options and things I need to get by over the next few months. I feel awful in the middle of Cucalorus selection time. I'm definitely going to type out a few wishful blocks. Ironic how the two areas I am most interested in are horror films and kids films. Maybe I should make a horror film with kids!

I subbed for my fave class today and yesterday. One of my kids had a penny from 1976 on her desk. That's good luck. My virgoness will be 33 in just a few days, so I need all the luck I can get. This is my year! I think I'm going to add back in a tidbit in 11:11 where several of the characters end up with the same penny at different times...showing the interconnectedness among people. Although I can't stop thinking about how many germs are on coins...

chance of a lifetime

2009-09-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Saw a lot of good friends tonight. A few of us about to branch out to other places for work. More babble about 11:11 hopes. Everyone is rooting for me and thinks this will be a great project and I am highly organized. I hate money so much! Now would be the perfect time to make something since it's so dang slow. Even if I had $20,000 that would be better than nothing! I would honestly consider pulling a Kevin Smith and max out a few credit cards in the hope the film will be bought and pay itself off. I suppose I'll do anything in order to keep my final deadline in tact. I'd have to wait 100 years before another 11/11/11!

Tonight we were talking about what kind of filmmaker I want to be. It isn't about money, although I would LOVE to not lose money on my films. It's about doing what I love. I don't want to go out there and direct a story someone else wrote. I want to only direct my own stuff. I would also never really want someone to make a film I wrote. I become so attached to the characters and the visions in my head as I write that no one could make the film I imagined. So, I'm come to the conclusion that I will be the kind of director that makes festival films.

I have so many thoughts in me that I can't seem to process them all at once. I must only do one at a time. And considering 11:11 has been in the works since 2002, I haven't written any other features. I have two great ideas...one of which I've had forever and the other would require a crew to travel all over the US. $$$. So, the goal is to make 11:11, do smashingly well in the festival circuit and get enough attention to sell and make money for the one after that. Hopefully it won't take me another 7 years to write that one. I will not settle for only 8 movies in my lifetime.

universal schedules

2009-09-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

What a weird day. I had a few little meetings and got some stuff done, despite of feeling lousy. My body hurts; I need a massage badly. All these toxins are poisoning me. I'm very sleepy and am enjoying my evening watching bad tv and Cucalorus movies. You know what amazes me? There are so many projects that get funded that contribute absolutely nothing to society. I watch some of these things and question how they got funding, let alone why they even felt the need for something so pointless to be made. One film I watched was a Sundance pick and although I liked it, I didn't feel that it was interesting enough to get into a festival of that stature. It's 11:11!

I started regretting not submitting 11:11 into the works in progress program. I thought about it a million times, but decided I didn't want to reveal too much about the story to the public. Although today I had this really cool idea that we could dress the theatre like Andy and Adrienne's bedroom and act out those scenes. I could focus a lot on production design, cinematography and locations. I just feel weird doing a works in progress without a single frame shot. I want to at least have the money to make 11:11 before I blab to the world half of my ideas and someone snags them. But the idea is that I want the public, especially industry people to know that I'm ready to get this thing rolling!

My ultimate schedule would be to start pre-production in December when things are typically slow on the film front. Begin shooting 11:11 on January 11, 2010 for 4 weeks. That would give us seven months to edit and submit to Sundance in September. If I want to do the big Sundance route, I must premiere there and cannot show at Cucalorus before that. Meaning I could do works in progress Cucalorus 16 and screen the following year on 11/11/11. That's my ultimate goal, but it ain't going to happen. There is far too much to do and no money to make it happen. All I ask if it doesn't is to shoot during the winter or fall months and have something to show by 11/11/11.

I had a great idea from a fellow Virgo yesterday. She encouraged me to seek out investors who are already followers of the 11:11. Those are my audience and people who will understand my intention with all of this. Apparently today all the planets are aligned in such a way that big things were to happen in my universe. I can't say my day was too eventful, but I did watch my first film again and realized how far I'm come. My mistakes were so obvious then! I also realized how many of the folks in that film continue to contribute to my storytelling time and again. Kenneth Price, you are my hero. Matt Malloy, thank you for being you.

my favorite thing

2009-09-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to lie. I didn't write a blog yesterday. I intended to and even wrote a reminder on my hand, but ran out of time. Instead I spent my night hanging out with friends having far too much fun. I don't feel so hot today... Good thing I'm not working. I have a lot of catching up to do. I'm meeting with the woman who bought one of my broken hearts later on. It's sad to break that piece away from the set, but I plan on recreating it after Valentine's Day. I'm happy that it's going to a good home where the heart represents something positive. It's ironic that the woman bought my favorite one inspired by my favorite ex-boyfriend. It was the only heart I had a clear vision for from the get go. Part of me wants to tell him I made it and show him photographs of the piece, but now that he's married I don't feel right.

Speaking of weddings, I am about to shoot my friends' wedding in October. I have to say that shooting weddings kind of stresses me out. I get so worried that I'm going to screw it up and then it will be gone forever. It's 11:11 right now! I guess I'm not going to mess it up, unlike the plane ticket. What a hot mess. So, I've decided to drive. I'm going to take my time, pull over and take photographs as I go. I love being on the open road in places I've never seen before. Sometimes I just want to throw away the map and get lost. I'm feeling a sense of deja vu. Have I said all of this before? Do I repeat myself often? What a hot mess I am from last night. I guess I needed to let loose.

I'm very tired and not feeling like running around, but know I have to. Perhaps I will sneak in a nap somewhere. I love being at home and sleeping in my own bed and sitting on my own couch. All my stuff is right here in it's special spot. It was weird earlier though because I literally imagined my cat Blakely lying next to me. Again, likely an after effect caused by the consumption of toxins last evening. Why do we choose to poison ourselves? Everyone I know has a vice...whether it be alcohol, cigarettes, food, pills, pot, etc. I've tied that into the characters of 11:11 as well. Sometimes the connection is through their vices.

Literally I can barely muster enough energy to type any more thoughts, my brain is fried. My tummy is rumbling. I'm so ready for some Flaming Amy's. That works well with a hangover. I can't even tell you how happy I am to be home and go to my favorite places and see my favorite people. That's probably why I got so plastered. I was a happy pickle though; telling people how much I love them and soaking in the town. I appreciated every moment of my evening realizing, even more so than before I went to WV, how much I adore Wilmington. I am a blessed person to have found this gem of a place. Honestly, I don't ever want to leave.

telling time

2009-09-13T23:11:00.000-07:00

Today I was driving back from Huntington to Wilmington and listening to my 11:11 soundtrack. Tears came over me at certain moments visualizing scenes in my head. I can see the images so vividly and imagine what it will be like to sit in the theater with others as they watch my story come to life. Will they understand the message? Will the audience appreciate the silent scenes that are driven solely by song and moving images?

Right now, I'm unsettled with the emptiness of my catless house. Kitties stayed in WV since I'm only home a few days to pick up some things. I am craving writing time right now, but am not sure if I will have the time while I'm here. Draft 9 feels like it's getting further away. Perhaps I should set a goal of 11:11 for the completion of draft 9. I really do need to send out a new version and copyright it with the WGA. I'm so ready for the next step!

My 33rd birthday is in a week and I hope to shoot 11:11 in 2010, meaning I will be 11x3 when I make it:) I know that seems freakish, but I think it's suiting. Repetitive numbers, multiples of 11 connects me with the story. Like I've said many times before, every age and birthday for each character is intentional. Significant times in a person's life, like the age of 13, 21, 30, 44, 55. And many events occur at when time changes, like New Years, Leap Year, daylight savings time. Like the clock is being messed with.

Timing is such a precious and fragile thing. It's importance is imperative to fate. I decided last minute today to take my old route 52,a shortcut that's not a short cut, because I enjoy the scenery. I also may be extending an upcoming trip to soak in the scenery of the open road. Will my decision affect the outcome of my existence? Am I testing fate by changing my plans? I guess only time will tell.

listening vs. speaking

2009-09-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

I made it through the first week of the tv show I'm working on...just to clarify, it's not my own:) I'm working as a production assistant. That's normally what I do as a 'day job'. The great thing about what I do is I meet a lot of creative and talented people from all over the world. My friend once said that film is the most potent art form. That stuck with me.

I cannot imagine working in any other industry and feeling fulfilled; trust me, I've tried. When I taught elementary school and productions were going on simultaneously, a wave of depression would come over me. It's like I was married to the wrong person. I'm so proud of myself for taking the alternate fork in the road. Hopefully it is leading me in the right direction.

I am convinced there is a greater purpose for me returning to Huntington for the next few months. It's been great revisiting my old stomping grounds and being a leg up from out of town crew. Although I'm just a PA who is trained to do what's asked of me and has a non-existent creative voice, I have been enjoying taking the camera crew around town and showing them great places to shoot for B roll. I feel like in a small way, I'm contributing to the look of the show.

I am going to Pennsylvania in a few weeks to shoot my friends' wedding and I now wish I was driving so I could pass through the real Union County. I've never been there and want to make sure the locations in Wilmington I have chosen for 11:11 are similar. I'm sure it's a lot like Allentown, but I want to experience Union itself. Perhaps my city name will have to change, but for some reason that word speaks to me...so I listened.

union

2009-09-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

First and foremost, I wrote this blog on 9/11/09, but my internet didn't work...so I kept my promise. Seems ironic that the word union was my word of yesterday, due to the 8 year anniversary of 9/11...which united all of America.

Union is the name of the city in Pennsylvania in which 11:11 takes place. For a while I was really into looking up definitions for words. Tonight the word union stuck out to me...

Union - a number or persons or states joined or associated together for some common purpose.

Such a perfect definition for what I'm trying to do with the script and for my current job situation. Life is full of interconnections!

liar liar tired

2009-09-10T17:56:00.000-07:00

Six hours of sleep is the new average. Twelve hour days aren't so bad, but short turn around times aren't so hot. I have to get up at 4am:( It's all good though. We are doing this cool television interview tomorrow in Charleston, so hopefully it will be worth waking up before the sun. Today was actually pretty fun. I like the crew I'm driving around a lot. We did a lot of B-Roll which was nice because although I was the driver, I sort of felt like the AD. I chose the most efficient route in the short time allotted and we accomplished a whole lot!

I have realized that I do a lot better if I'm in a higher up position; a leader. It's like this person comes out of me that holds back most of the time. I am allowed to think and not just say copy that! Although that is a fave phrase of mine. I am working hard on keeping a smile on my face even when sorting through recycling mixed with garbage. There are no small roles on set; everyone plays there part. I want 11:11 to be an even playing field when it comes to crew. We will all do the fun stuff and the grunt work!

I'm so sleepy that I can't write a word more. more. I'm a liar because I wrote it twice.

the chosen one

2009-09-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

TV! I love that my shows are coming back! Granted, I don't think I'd be too fond of working on episodic due to burn out rate...but I sure do like watching my stories! I wonder sometimes how much of my inspiration comes from other programs that I watch without even realizing it. When it comes to influences, I purposely chose not to finish Solara's book 11:11 as I was writing my script. I didn't want anyone else's beliefs to influence my own. Cliche is not my speed.

It's funny now that I've progressed in this process, I have allowed myself to research a bit about what others believe 11:11 to be and it's so amazing the comparison. My writer friend send me an incredible article written by a man who has unbelievable connections to 11:11. Here is a link so you can read what the digits mean to him. http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/02/1111/
I was blown away by his experiences!

Considering I've been working on this script since 2002, many unknowing folks have been exposed to the tradition of making a wish when they see 11:11 on the clock. Now they see the consecutive numbers all the time. It really is a great marketing tool (don't steal it!) since you have a chance to see it twice a day! My friend, who is a partial non-beliver tried to test me and see if we could choose another number to see if it popped up all the time. It was 1238. In a week, not once did I see the numbers. Why is it that the odds of four numbers being consecutive is so improbable, yet I see it all the time?

Perhaps Solara would say...I am a chosen one:)

positive and negative.

2009-09-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted and have to be up in less than 8 hours for work. I'm getting tired of being beat down for chump change and doing unglamorous tasks. I like what I do for the most part, but sometimes I wonder why I kill myself working towards a goal I don't plan to reach. I want to direct, not clean up after people and drive them around!

Although I swore up and down that I would blog each day about my project, I'm not sure I can live up to my end of the bargain. Even on day one, I foresee endless days and evaporating sleep, so it's uncertain I will be able to muster up the energy to think of enough to even put thoughts into words. I've written the word I about twelve times already...good thing they look like 1's!

Enough of my bitching. Everyone has to work. And I'm grateful to have a job. But this fraction of me is pained by putting so much energy into a project other than my own. I want so badly to make 11:11 in early 2010 and it's right around the corner. I have so many other projects I've dipped into that it's hard to fathom how I will possibly pull this off.

I had a vision the money was in my hometown, so I must focus on the positive. I'm going to try my best to suck up the attitude when I get overrun and keep a shining smile on my face. One of the attributes I adore most about the 1st AD of my films is that he never complains and ALWAYS makes the best out of every situation. My goal this week is to put myself in his mindset. Keeping a positive attitude will take me much farther than a burned out grump!

fall with me

2009-09-07T15:27:00.001-07:00

What a roller coaster ride! Now the WV job is back on and I start tomorrow! I have to go to a PA boot camp, which is a first for me. I wonder if I will learn anything new? I do know that since the decline in offer before I left tons of stuff behind, so I'm lacking slightly in the preparation department. My rain jacket is in my set bag in my living room eight hours away along with my PA belt! Good thing is the schedule allows many breaks, most long enough to where I can come home intermittently. As it stands now, I get all of Cucalorus off, I get to make all of my original dates for my friends' wedding and may even be in Wilmywood for Halloween. I will be in Huntington for the big 33, which will be nice to spend with the folks who created me!

It's funny how schedules work out sometimes. The itinerary as it stands now allows me to do exactly what I want in the perfect window of time! We all know production dates can change at the drop of a dime, but feel myself more at ease knowing that this rocky journey is leading to a smooth path. I tap at the keys as my dad cooks dinner in the kitchen and my sister and mother rest. I'm in my unfinished attic sitting at my childhood desk. I was always a fan of attics and basements as a kid, likely because it was an escape... where I could be alone and imagine all of the things I now bring to the page. As you can see in wait...my affection for attics is prevalent. It's a place where you store all of your memories.

At one point I began to write a screenplay set in the basement of a house. Four teenagers get locked inside with only a scrabble board to entertain them. As they build words, their back stories are revealed. I'm not sure why this story has lived in my head; I suppose it has something to do with the time my friends and I got locked out of her grandma's house when we were in high school. We relocated to their Winnebago in the driveway. Even when they got home, we slept in there, freezing our tails off...just to have the freedom and adventure of sleeping under a roof other than our guardians. We used to pretend we were going to run away like in Stand by Me. We'd stuff our backpacks with snacks and walk around, but at the end of the day we would safely nestle in our beds by nine.

When I went to college in Ohio at 17, I craved the independence the dorms allowed me. I reveled in the freedom to go out on a school night and skip class if I felt like it. All my decisions were mine. Although I'm a born and raised West Virginian, Ohio is really where I grew up and found myself. It has been the heart of my existence. I knew I had to get out of there to pursue what I really wanted in life, but so much of who I am stems from my life there. It's weird knowing now that I've lived in NC longer than Ohio. When I think of my life on a time line, I've done a lot... I'm a grown up! It's hard to believe how long ago it was that I co-existed with my family in this beautiful city of Huntington, WV. I'm content to be back to my roots just as the leaves are changing on the trees. Fall with me...

circle is a square

2009-09-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

Whew! I almost missed a day of bloggage! I'm visiting my folks in WV despite the retraction of my job offer here. I figured with an already clear schedule I may as well use my time wisely and spend it with the family. I'm sitting on my bed, which is in a 'closet' up in the finished part of the attic. My office was supposed to be in the unfinished part and I would go in there, only I know my dad will likely activate the alarm while I'm in there and I'd trigger it rentering my room. So, I'm hanging with a talkative Blakely and tapping at the keys.

It's weird being here and not staying like originally planned. Like I said before, my path has changed. Much like Savannah and Maggie's in 11:11. Life is so unpredictable. Opportunities come at inconvenient times and some are missed all together. Either end of the spectrum, life's timeline structures itself by the minute. So many things can change withing a matter of seconds. Like today for instance, my mom replaced a lightbulb in an overhead fixture. An hour later, my sister was in the bathroom and I heard a loud crash. Mere inches from her head, the thick glass cover smashed onto the floor. It could have killed her or the cats if at that moment they were underneath.

As much as we try to protect ourselves from danger, some destinies are out of our control. Like those who refuse to go skiing for fear of breaking a hip, yet you could just as easily trip and do the exact same thing. You could never smoke a day in your life and still get lung cancer. I'm not saying for everyone to go grab a pair of skiis and a smoke, but I am suggesting that sometimes it's necessary to take risks in order to grow as a person. Putting yourself or others in a bubble only hinders personal growth. Taking chances is a far option than regretting a missed opportunity later in life. Regrets equal resentment. And resentment is toxic.

So many people in this world have resentment or regrets, yet I chose to look at things a different way. I have no major life regrets (okay, maybe it bugs me a bit that I didn't pursue acting or learn how to play an instrument...but I can still do this!). All the things I have done in my life have brought me here and made me who I am. Without every step taken along the way, I'd be different than who I am. Every minor detail in life counts and compiles into you being YOU. I'm happy to be back in the town where I started my life. It built the foundation of who I am today and without that, I would have no core. I'm a lucky girl to have a lovely family and animals who bring me joy each day. It's nice to regain perspective and come full circle!

make a wish

2009-09-05T04:43:00.000-07:00

So the fork in the road just turned into a knife and it cut right through me. Job fell through at the last minute. After reforwarding my mail back to myself (and we all know that will likely get jacked up somewhere in the process) and unpacking, I repacked a smaller bag and decided to take the country road back to WV. My parents and sister are crushed that this gig didn't pan out and quite frankly, I'm a bit embarrassed. But, as I said before, everything happens for a reason. Better things are on the horizon.

My original path was to bust my tail all fall and start production on 11:11 this winter. Considering Draft 9 is still being restructured and I don't have a cent, I need the time between here and there to get this thing organized. So perhaps the change of plans was to keep me on track toward my original goal. I have so much work to do and need to stay focused, so the next few months will be critical in order to accomplish what I've set out to do. My ultimate plan in life is not to be a super star PA or an AD for that matter, I want to direct my OWN films... and sidetracking 11:11 would only hinder that process further. So, I'm getting out my shades and looking on the bright side.

I will be 33 in two weeks and now I will be in Wilmington celebrating with my friends (many who are also Virgos!) and that beats running around getting people lattes. I have no clue how I want to spend my 11 x 3 birthday. But do know that I'm obsessed with the idea of a clock cake...am I allowed to make my own birthday cake or is that weird? That is in fact how 11:11 will begin, the icing being spread on a birthday cake. Everyone has a birthday and can relate to having to make a wish while blowing out the candles. My wish has been the same for years now and has yet to come true. But the one thing we often forget is that we have control of our destiny to a certain degree. If you want something and don't go for it, you are only hindering yourself. What you want in life isn't going to fall into your lap and no one is going to hand it to you and if they do, you will take it for granted. If you really want something, fight for it, go out and get it. Wishes mean nothing unless you are proactive to make them come true!

fork in the road

2009-09-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember I have a set my clock ahead in my bedroom 30 minutes to psych myself into thinking I'm not getting up at ridiculous:30 when I teach. I have not taught at all yet this year and quite frankly, I'm hoping I don't have to. This will be my fourth year subbing and I'm already burnt out. It's stinky that I can't file for unemployment when I'm a registered sub. If there aren't jobs or it's summer, I don't have opportunities to work...hence I don't get paid. Sometimes I wish I could be the lesser citizen, pull out of the system and collect unemployment while I redraft my screenplay. What great daydream!

So now there are some issues with my current job opportunity. We are attempting to sort it out, but as I understand the reasoning, I cannot comprehend the timing. My bags are packed, my mail already forwarded, house clean, said my goodbyes...and I'm waiting for word. I'm supposed to leave tomorrow and am in limbo. Whatever happens happens and will happen for a reason, but right now it doesn't make much sense. Sometimes when I want something so badly, I get this feeling that it's not going to pan out or I'm going to kick it before I get there. I don't feel great about the fact I saw not 11:11 twice already today, but 11:12. Once on my bedroom fast forward clock and once for real on my vcr (yes, I still have one of those!) That's not so lucky...

Pre-anxiety is a trait that I possess and don't care for too much about myself. However in this situation, I'm not as much stressed (because I'm prepared to walk out the door) as I am annoyed at the waiting game. I've turned down other opportunities and have sacrificed time running around like a lunatic tying up loose ends to prepare for my departure. If I don't leave, my writing time has been wasted on packing...and unpacking to clean the suitcase my lovely geriatric cat peed all over and had to wash thrice. The point is, time is precious and there isn't a lot of it. I would like to spend it productively, not doing and redoing things time and again.

On the bright side, my house is clean. Regardless of the outcome, I get to spend one more day in my favorite city of Wilmington. The thought of ever leaving this place permanently doesn't cross my mind. I have found a city where I can be myself and accomplish my goals within reasonable measures. If this McJob out of town doesn't work out, then the sun is still bright on this side. I will simply shift my focus back onto getting this feature made. There is so much still left to do and I desperately need to finish draft 9 so I can come up with a budget. My hopeful UPM is back in town for a blink of an eye, so perhaps this can happen soon. I firmly believe all things happen for a reason, so if this turn ends up being a U-turn... I will let the universe magnetize me down my destined fork in the road.

vicarious living

2009-09-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't know what day it is. My schedule is so inconsistent that sometimes I have to do a double take to remember what city I'm in. The other week I was in six states in ten days. It was kind of fun in a way. To be on the road. Listen to music or have quiet time to think and take in the scenery. That's how I developed most of my ideas for 11:11. Occasionally I would tape record myself. A while ago I found one of the tapes; one side was me playing a song I made up on the guitar (during my 'I'm going to teach myself how to play guitar phase' which didn't last long unfortunately:( and the other was me fleshing out the characters as I spoke. Some of the names even changed. I can't believe Adrienne's character used to be Daria. What was I thinking?

Adrienne's character is quite interesting really. I would like to spend some time showing a softer side of her, but I guess I do in some flashbacks. All of that stuff will be shot Super 8, so it's going to look really grainy...my favorite. Cindy Sherman's 'Untitled Film Stills' are very grainy and I love that texture and rawness. Much of Adrienne's back story is told through daydreams, where her husband Andy is remembering why he fell in love with her. He reminds himself often of how happy she used to be because he can't bare to deal with what they have become. Adrienne had big hopes for herself and fate changed her path, now she resents him.

It's difficult once resentment is built to let that go. I almost think you can't. Once it's there, it's challenging to fully get over. The dysfunction of the Evans family (Adrienne, Andy and their kids Kat and Drew) is much like many families. They are just trying to hold it together. Many readers of 11:11 say their storyline is the most solid of the ensemble. I agree. Andy is my favorite character and find writing scenes for him to be the most natural. I have no idea why though...I'm not a dude that is married with kids who is unemployed and heavy handed with the alcohol! Okay, maybe the latter part on occasion. Andy just flows out of me; I suppose because I know many people similar to him. If only I could get Mark Ruffalo to play him... Donal Logue would be a front runner too. I know they are two completely different looking actors, but think they could both pull it off.

Adrienne and Andy are the most relatable storyline in 11:11. I want to make sure that all the relationships in this film resemble those that real people have. Everyone has had a friend who was off limits but they had a secret crush on them anyway. We've all had a night with someone and everything was perfect, then they don't call and things turn to shit. Each one of us has had to make a last minute decision or have one made for us. Right? Or am I just thinking about my life experience? I suppose it's not as critical as I made it out to be. I've never been possessed by evil while vacationing in a cabin in the woods and Ash from Evil Dead is one of my favorite characters. The real point is to live out your worst fears or biggest dreams in a controlled environment, living vicariously through the characters.

please don't steal my ideas!

2009-09-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm leaving in a moment to work on another live recording of a play. This is #4 for me. I actually like the pace of it. You only get one take and it's live. You can't make mistakes. Things move quickly and your adrenaline is going. I used to be in musicals and plays growing up. My greatest ambition was to be an actress. I pop up in all my movies, but have done only a few minor roles in other films. In Americatown, I have a few appearances, most of me laying on the ground doing crazy legs...to me my inspiration was a cockroach flipped upside down who has epilepsy. What a hot mess:)

I love acting. Pretending like I'm someone else. Escaping who I am, even for just a moment. You can channel other sides of yourself and have an outlet for an emotion you may not be able to otherwise. I was going to play the part of the girl who is actually dead, Lili, in the movie, but decided she and her surviving sister Maggie would be twins...and I refuse to have a big role. Maggie is a aspiring actress with conflicting feeling for her deceased sister's boyfriend Mark. Mark struggles with the void of Lili and is reminded of her loss every time he sees her twin sister Maggie. Mark and Maggie pretend things are okay and try so hard to overcome their feelings, but the elephant in the room just grows larger and larger. Can you imagine losing the love of your life and being close to someone who looks exactly like them? Ouch.

I've become obsessed with birthdays for my characters as well. Since my affection for numbers has infinitely inflated I have been studying horoscopes...their traits, colors, birthstones, you name it. If a birthday I originally have in mind doesn't match their personality, I alter it. This has actually been a huge pain in the a$$. I'm trying to tie in dates in the year where time is tinkered with...daylight savings time, new year's, leap year...as well so that has made me rethink my backstories a bit. It's amazing how elaborate their back stories are, but for the most part the audience will never know. It will only be information I provide the actors for character building.

So many details of this film will be subliminal, down to set dressing and the clothes. Everyone will have a color and as their lives intertwine, the colors weave into one another. I love love little details like that. The great thing is that I have have a vision for every last department, okay...maybe not grip (i just know they will be rigging lots of cars!). I know what I want and I can communicate my ideas; I even have a huge production binder with visuals. What I want to know is how these ding dongs get to make crappy movies for lots of money with no vision whatsoever and I have more visions than meets the eye and haven't gotten a dime? I know I need to try harder and look further, but also think 11:11 is a bit dark and outside of the box...some might fear it's raw truthfulness.

seeing double

2009-09-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about memory. How mine is shot from the amount of information I cram inside it. The number of random kid's names I have etched in my brain takes up a lot of space alone. Sometimes I try so hard not to forget to do something that you do it twice without realizing. I've watched kids I know who are playing and having the time of their lives, yet in ten years they won't remember a thing about that day. Where do those thoughts go? Are they buried beneath a vast sea of knowledge compiled over years of life experience?

In draft 9 of 11:11, I have been making a lot of adjustments...far more drastic than before. One of the characters, Savannah, is the 'new girl' to this small town in Pennsylvania called Union and she teaches middle school art. Her father was originally from Union, lived on a farm until he was 17, until he left for college in Chicago. He became a doctor, got married, had a daughter, lost a wife, then lost his mind in a span of four decades. At age he was 60, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. His mind deteriorated rapidly the following two years, but he could always remember the farm house he grew up in. He had such vivid memories of that time in his life that Savannah decided to buy his old farm house and moved him there. That would be the most comfortable place to find his peaceful end and it's being in the middle of nowhere helped lesson the worries about him wandering off. Before they left the city, Savannah photographed every detail of his house, her apartment, his office, favorite restaurant, grocery store, laudromat.... she documented every element of his life so she could help with his memory.

I always carry a camera with me. You never know when you are going to have that moment where you need to get that perfect shot. It's so nice having the means of documenting time in history in a matter of milliseconds. Never again will you be able to relive that exact same moment again. Freezing time forever. Would we really remember what our fourth birthday was like? No. But when you look at photographs and see how happy you looked and how some of your little friends are now your big friends...or some people you simply can't remember at all. It's comforting to know we all have to start from (it's 11:11 right now!!!!) a low perspective, looking up at huge people and a gigantic world. As we grow older, our perspectives completely change. Eventually, the world starts to feel kind of small, like you are looking down where you used to look up from. Strange how the world is seen through so many different point of views. Like when I was young, my eyes were crossed so I had double vision. I saw two of everything. Sometimes I couldn't tell which was the real doorknob and reached for the wrong one. I was less than 5 years old then and that is one memory I will never forget. Funny how life comes full circle...I'm seeing double again. 11:11.

american beauty

2009-08-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

It's 11:07pm and I just got home from a very long, but productive day. I feel terrible, but I've had to turn down a few of my side jobs in order to tie up loose ends before I leave. I hate rushing around before a long trip, especially if I have a lot of stuff to bring. Preparation is the key. An AD once told my friend, "Piss poor preparation, piss poor day". If you don't bring your galoshes, it's going to rain on set. If you forget your cell charger just once, that will be the day you get stranded overnight in a random city. I hate forgetting things and needing them later. Making sure all the bases are covered in advance helps me keep calm and in control.

It's 11:11 as I type this now. It bugs me that this blog calculates in pacific time and if I switch it to East coast it has a 3 hour posting delay. Weird right? So when it appears as if I wrote a blog at 6:57am, it's really 9:57. Time is important to me...perhaps it's because I cannot control it. It is what it is. We can't speed it up or slow it down, we can only choose how to spend it. Trying to use each ticking second to my advantage, I find myself wanting to shell myself up into my hole even more. Like burrowing in my nest is going to help me understand these characters more? I need to get out more, which I did tonight and will be doing a lot very soon. For you build much stronger characters living vicariously through real people.

I'm just trying figure this all out, who these people are and why they are such a part of me. Most of them are fragments of people who have sprinkled through my life, many staples. But some have such darkness and the story is like a long rainy day...I'm beginning to wonder where I got this affection for finding beauty in sadness? I suppose it's because there is truth in real emotion, especially if it's attached to death. To truly mourn someone's loss means you loved them incredibly. For an emotional loss to make you physically ill proves that mind does conquer body. I haven't felt that way in a long time...but then again, I find it much easier to just be numb.

peel away the layers

2009-08-30T10:37:00.000-07:00

Sunday. Curtains still closed, but the light pouring in brightly. The hum of the dryer echoing from the kitchen. Clean house, free of furballs. Steam rising from a coffee mug decorated with red holly branches and cardinals...

Strangely, I just realized all the states I've lived in have the cardinal as the state bird. I've been paying a lot closer attention to detail recently (if one could get more anal about detail) and am enjoying finding so many connections among things. A few months ago I realized most of the characters in 11:11 have double letters in their names. Maggie, Savannah, Lynn, Amanda Galliger, Vivian McAllister, Mark Elliott, Lloyd... the last few even have double ll s which look like 11 s. I didn't do this intentionally when I began writing this story in 2002, yet feel as if the my mind has been given me subliminal messages all along. Like I've had this story in my head my entire life. I've extended the double letter concept, which feels a bit like cheating, but I like the way it adds an extra connection among the characters.

Bridges, maps and transportation have become a recent affection of mine as well...connecting people to places everywhere. There are so many roads one will never travel and so many places you will never see. Even in your own town there are hidden pockets left untouched. I've been thinking about how many people I know from my hometown living in Wilmington. Yet I never run into them here. Some even work downtown where I live and we never cross paths. That fascinates me. We could have missed each other by mere moments without even realizing. Life is all about timing.

I've been delving deeper into this concept of true selves, the people we are behind closed doors. There are so many tiny secrets we hide, even from those who know us better than we know ourselves. A quote from 80 Windows, "people only allow you to see what they want you to see". I know there are many things I'd be mortified about if it was public knowledge, however those who would place judgement likely have done the exact same thing. Funny how hypocracy works. All of the characters in 11:11 have some sort of addiction or habit, most shared by at least one other. Simply connecting two characters by their smoking the same brand of cigarettes or driving as a means of escapism, just adds another layer of detail.

I feel like I'm exhausting a lot of my energy on the fine tuned details, like birthdays and timelines, when I need to be focused on the updated scenes. It's as if I am complicating the complicated. My script is like an onion growing layer by layer... and you have to peel some of them back to get to the best part. Sometimes it will make you cry and sometimes there will be blood, but without the details, the story has no flavor. I'm not about making a movie you only want to watch once. There are too many thoughts compressed into 111 minutes to be digested in one sitting. Just make sure when the onion is ripe...bring a big box of tissues!

carpe diem

2009-08-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

So I have mixed feelings about today's post. My life just took a turn...to map my whereabouts during the last year it would be quite a crooked maze! I got a production assistant job on a reality show in my home town. I'll be living with my parents again; it's been 16 years since I've done that! It is going to be quite an adjustment! My sister is temporarily living there now, which will be another interesting adventure. I've already decided that the unfinished part of the attic will be my workspace. Whether sweltering hot or freezing cold, that will become my 'space'. It makes sense because it's right next to my bedroom/Dad's office. It's going to be weird and fun to live in Huntington again, even for a few months. I still have so many friends there and Columbus is a hop skip away... I feel like my path has directed me exactly where I need to be.

I had an epiphany while I was packing for WV for my interview last week... as I was putting clothes in my suitcase, a thought came to me with such clarity. I will find the money for 11:11 in West Virginia. Whether it be someone I already know in town or a connection through the show, I will find what I'm looking for. I believe the most vital attributes of an independent filmmaker are drive, determination and passion... and of course a good story:) One thing I pride myself on (and there aren't many) is that if I'm compelled to shoot a movie, I will stop at nothing to make it happen. If we don't get the money we need, then screw money. We will find other ways to make it work. Hell, my first(ish) short film was made for $35! Granted the quality wasn't great, but the story was funny and people liked it. You don't need a gagillion dollars to make something that will appeal to audiences. However, I shouldn't settle for less when I have worked so hard to build a visual resume, so I can make 11:11 as beautiful as it is in my head.

My head is kind of all over the place today. With the new McJob, I may or may not have the time I need to finish the latest draft of 11:11 by the time I would like. Perhaps I should give myself until 11/11 so I am not overwhelmed by a short time frame. Or maybe I should quit setting deadlines for myself. That could be the hinderence in my progress. Too much pressure. The great thing is that driving really helps me think. I used to tape record myself fleshing out scripts driving on the highway. Much of 11:11 was conceptualized in a car. I will be doing eight hours of that on Friday, so I will keep the 'soundtrack' in rotation. Maybe getting away from my normal surroundings will help me sort some things out too. Perhaps I will have less distractions? Or maybe I just distract myself? I type this as I think about centering my new clock on the wall. The time is off by a little bit, but I refuse to think about time today. I want to enjoy my last few days in my apartment alone instead of missing it in advance. Seize the day. Turn your clock off until tomorrow.

on the right track.

2009-08-28T12:44:00.000-07:00

So shoot me for saying this, not literally of course...I'd rather not go through that again, but I've decided it would be good for me to write a blog every day until January 11, 2010. That is my target date for filming. Granted, we all know that it will push, likely do to lack of money...but regardless, this film will get made. I've been thinking of simplifying the hell out of crew. Do we really need five million people running around? I'm thinking small, like 15 people, not including cast... People keep telling me I have too many characters, but when I watch other movies there are more than you would think. Some are focused on more than others, but smaller characters are sprinkled within. That's what I've been working on, characters. Layering each one and making sure they get the details they need in the small amount of time you see them on screen.

Today I went shopping for a few things, but you know how that goes in Target. I should not be allowed in that store. It's been months and apparently I made up for it in one visit. Blakely, my youngest cat, recently knocked my alarm clock off the side table. Not realizing she broke the thing, I woke up late on two occasions because the alarm didn't go off. Good thing I wasn't late for anything! Anyhow, I was in the clock aisle and came across this wall clock that resembles the same pattern as this cd sculpture my mom bought me the last time she was here. I repainted a dresser and organized my music collection at the same time. Trust me, it was quite a task! Since this clock was so unbelievable perfect for above the tv, I decided it would replace one many Death Cab posters. Instantly I put it in my cart even though it was 10% of my last paycheck. I couldn't help it, it jumped out at me. My apartment is actually Jake's apartment in 11:11, so it will be written off as set decoration:)

Anyhow, on the drive home I made a last minute decision to drive down Princess Place. I felt the urge to go down that road for some reason. I used to work down there, so I would often imagine 11:11 played out on that street. Wouldn't you know I stumbled upon a line of car stopped at a railroad crossing. The street just ahead being Evan's Street (the last name of my favorite character Andy in 11:11). The train whizzes by, other cars turned around annoyed. But I sat there with a smile on my face and tears filling my eyes. The train passes and we clear, driving past the convenient store I once imagined as my main location... a school bus turns the corner. It was like being a character in that scene living out a moment I had written. That to me is 11:11. Timing is everything. I'm reminded every day that I'm on the right track!

Dissecting the 9th Draft

2009-08-27T06:53:00.000-07:00

Now that I have begun this blog, I feel like I won't be able to stop. Writing is like an addiction to me...if I don't do it for a few days I don't feel myself. Like all these thoughts are being bottled up in my head and is about to burst out of my crown like confetti! My ideas need to escape into reality in order to make space for the new.

11:11 has been a long road. Draft 9 is up. I can't believe how much and how little the story has transformed since I began writing it in 2002. The hardest part now is simplifying a complex story. Much of me wants to gravitate back to Draft 3 where my thoughts weren't overthought and were still pure, due to lack of outside opinions. Now the universe, research, other minds have altered my story in the slightest way and somehow it feels slanted. I've holed up in my house this week trying to dissect the core of each character and figure out the parts I want the audience to see (or hear) and what I want them to figure out on their own. I'm struggling to find the balance...as I do in my 'real life' as well.

What it comes down to is pressure. I've put so much emphasis on my timeline and getting this thing done that I'm compromising my sanity. I am going to slow down and take things as they come and not force myself to make changes because some people didn't catch this or that in the read. What you see on a screen is far different than what you get on paper, so I assure you that these connections will become more obvious once the story comes to life. When that happens, I feel like my heart will explode! All of this work in one piece is like molding a child into who you want them to be. 11/11/11 will truly be a birth! Now for the conception...

cherry popping blogs!

2009-08-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog for the new(ish) Kissin' Cousins Website. To be honest, this website has been in the works since 2006! Thank you so much to James Flint at So High Def Productions for completing the website and Justin Mitchner at Batabix for starting it. I'm very excited about showing my work online because the internet is the most accessible viewing means this day and age! I'm also excited to be sharing blogs with those who are interested in my work. I will do must best to keep everyone in the know of my progress.

Currently, I just completed a commercial called "Cucalor-bus" for the 15th annual Cucalorus Film Festival which occurs on Nov. 11-15, 2009 in Wilmington, NC. I've had a similar idea for many years now, so it was nice to finally get the project out of me. The outcome was much different than originally envisioned, but very cute. I really liked directing little kids...so expect more of that from me in the future!

In addition to making the commercial, I have been searching for the perfect match of a producer for 11:11 and am working on a new draft of the script. After hearing others opinions (especially those who don't know me well), I have taken into consideration their feedback. A few of the characters needed more fleshing out. I may know them because I wrote them, but viewers cannot see that history. I don't want to knock anyone over the head with it either. That's why some things are just ambigious. Do we really know everything about anyone? Sometimes the truth is in the silence... I'm trying hard not to over complicate and attempting to whittle down characters and locations. But no matter how many times I cut a character out, somehow they manage to weave their way back in. Life is all about people being connected to one another. There are a lot of us. We comprise the largest ensemble cast in life, so why not do it on film?

xo, meg